This morning was another blood draw and ultrasound (Can I tell you how much I love being on the Beltway first thing in the morning? God I freaking HATE driving. Maybe the meds are messing with more than I thought...) I had 5 follicles on each side, with the largest at 11mm. The doctor told me not to worry that they're not growing quickly. He said that's very common and wouldn't change our chances of the cycle working. Can I tell you that nothing puts me in a panic mode quicker than a doctor telling me not to worry about something. Don't worry about it, we'll be able to reattach your finger. Don't worry about that, it won't leave a scar when we stitch you up. ALL LIES! Ok, maybe I don't know about the finger, but you get my point. I go back on Thursday for ultrasound and blood work (like you didn't see that one coming) and they'll see where the follicles are at and what the plan is for the retrieval. I was originally scheduled for the retrieval on July 4th and now it's looking like it will get pushed back a day or two.
I just reread that paragraph and I sound way more ticked off than I really am. More than anything I'm just exhausted and tired of the shots. Work is kicking me in the arse HARD right now and I'd love to go to the gym and work off some steam, but I can barely keep my eyes open at the end of the day right now, so playing with gym equipment is probably a bad idea. I also have this horrid vision of all my puncture wounds starting to leak blood once I got my heart rate up and looking like an extra from a horror movie. I've also felt like I'm going to cry for the last four days, and no tears will come. I NEED SATISFACTION! I really think men don't understand how that can release a level of stress. I think it's the equivalent of screaming at the television during sports. It's not going to solve anything, but it makes you feel better. See how bad you feel after watching the World Series, Super Bowl, or World Cup without being able to yell. Pretty freaking miserable I'd bet.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - Bruiser
I look like I've broken out in some sort of bizarre rash all over abdomen that leaves small red dots (puncture wounds) and bruises. I've never been as happy to not have six pack abs as I've been in the past week. The fat is good for making the shots less painful. Matt's also gotten good at working around the bruises to find the little bit of skin that is still free of marks so it will be less painful.
On Friday I got the call from the nurse (they call after every ultrasound and blood draw to let me know what's going on) and based on the blood work they increased one of my evening medications. I went in again on Sunday for another ultrasound and more blood work. At that appointment they counted the follicles that are almost large enough to be measured (instead of just what looks like it's developing), so I had 8 on each side. There's was one that they could measure at 10mm, but all the others were still too small to measure. The nurse said to not worry if the numbers were a little lower than the time before because they're starting to count differently. Does that stop me from worrying - of course not. The call on Sunday night increased the dose of the second medication I take at night, and they stopped the morning shot all together. Yeah!! One less shot a day!
The increase of the medication actually does not make me worry. I was considered to be at risk for hyper-stimulating (producing way too many eggs) and if that happens it can cause a cycle to be canceled. Different clinics define "too many" differently. The clinic we're at right now generally doesn't want to see more than 25 follicles/eggs (they're considered follicles until they're removed from the ovary and then they count them as eggs) but I know someone who had 45 eggs in one cycle and that clinic did not cancel her cycle. She also had ovaries the size of softballs and could see them protruding from her stomach, eww. When we went in for our injection class, I had lower doses of all the medications than the other two women and now I'm in line with what they had.
I continue to be really foggy in my brain. Last night I even started passing out at a friend's house at 6:30, which is a new record for going to bed early. Matt had to poke me repeatedly in the car on the way home so I wouldn't fall asleep in the car. Epic levels of exhaustion.
On Friday I got the call from the nurse (they call after every ultrasound and blood draw to let me know what's going on) and based on the blood work they increased one of my evening medications. I went in again on Sunday for another ultrasound and more blood work. At that appointment they counted the follicles that are almost large enough to be measured (instead of just what looks like it's developing), so I had 8 on each side. There's was one that they could measure at 10mm, but all the others were still too small to measure. The nurse said to not worry if the numbers were a little lower than the time before because they're starting to count differently. Does that stop me from worrying - of course not. The call on Sunday night increased the dose of the second medication I take at night, and they stopped the morning shot all together. Yeah!! One less shot a day!
The increase of the medication actually does not make me worry. I was considered to be at risk for hyper-stimulating (producing way too many eggs) and if that happens it can cause a cycle to be canceled. Different clinics define "too many" differently. The clinic we're at right now generally doesn't want to see more than 25 follicles/eggs (they're considered follicles until they're removed from the ovary and then they count them as eggs) but I know someone who had 45 eggs in one cycle and that clinic did not cancel her cycle. She also had ovaries the size of softballs and could see them protruding from her stomach, eww. When we went in for our injection class, I had lower doses of all the medications than the other two women and now I'm in line with what they had.
I continue to be really foggy in my brain. Last night I even started passing out at a friend's house at 6:30, which is a new record for going to bed early. Matt had to poke me repeatedly in the car on the way home so I wouldn't fall asleep in the car. Epic levels of exhaustion.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - Updated Follicle Count
This morning I had another ultrasound and I've got 10 follicles on the right side and 9 on the left. The doctor said that's good and I go back in on Sunday to start getting them measured. They want the to grow to about 18mm each so the eggs can reach maturity. Once they do I get the trigger shot (aka the shot we're making Matt's mom come down and give me because it's complicated, goes really deep and I've already been warned hurts like a mo fo) and 36 hours later they do the retrieval.
For the most part I'm handling the drugs better than I anticipated. Other than exhaustion (please don't take it personally if I fall asleep and start drooling on you) and a serious case of oatmeal brain, it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting. I am starting to see bruising more where the shots are given, but Matt is doing a very good job of working around those for the next day's shots.
For the most part I'm handling the drugs better than I anticipated. Other than exhaustion (please don't take it personally if I fall asleep and start drooling on you) and a serious case of oatmeal brain, it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting. I am starting to see bruising more where the shots are given, but Matt is doing a very good job of working around those for the next day's shots.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - And Now My Pants Don't Fit
I had been warned that bloating and weight gain were going to be a problem, I just didn't realize it would come on so quickly. The pants I wore to work fit perfectly, even a little loose this morning. Now they are straining at the seams and over my bruises and puncture marks. I have now given up on pants and skirts without elastic waistbands. If tomorrow is free dress day at work do you think I can get away with a nightgown?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - Vicious Circus
Last night we had to call in reinforcements, specifically Matt's mom. The dosing instructions were very confusing and the dose was given in IUs, but the syringe was in CCs. She talked us thru it and was extremely helpful while we figured out what the hell we were doing. Everyone should have at least one nurse in the family and we are very lucky to have three mom/nurses to call in with questions.
I'm beginning to feel more and more side effects, but not in the way I was anticipating. I expected to be on edge and angry and have a temper. What has happened is I'm exhausted, but can't sleep because of night sweats, and having really bad cramps, made worse by caffeine, which make me achy and want to be curled up in bed. I was explaining it to Matt last night and said it was a vicious circus when I meant to say vicious cycle. I think vicious circus works just as well. Can you tell that I'm also currently working with oatmeal instead of a brain?
I'm beginning to feel more and more side effects, but not in the way I was anticipating. I expected to be on edge and angry and have a temper. What has happened is I'm exhausted, but can't sleep because of night sweats, and having really bad cramps, made worse by caffeine, which make me achy and want to be curled up in bed. I was explaining it to Matt last night and said it was a vicious circus when I meant to say vicious cycle. I think vicious circus works just as well. Can you tell that I'm also currently working with oatmeal instead of a brain?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - Lupron Evaluation
There are certain things in this world that you should not have to deal with before coffee. Surprise trans-vaginal ultrasounds are on that list. I would have at least shaved my legs this morning if I knew that was coming.
Today is the start of the stimulation medication. I went in this morning for a blood draw and ultrasound. I knew I was having blood drawn, but I totally forgot about the ultrasound which is why I looked at the nurse who told me to go empty my bladder like she had lost her mind. The ultrasound looked good (8 follicles starting on the right side and 6 on the left, which is a good start) and I'll get a call this afternoon confirming that a) I'm not pregnant and b) everything looks good to start. If we're all set I start two additional shots at night and cut back the amount of the morning shot. I currently get 20 International Units of the drugs in the morning, and I will be cutting back to 5. It doesn't seem worth it because 5 IUs could be injected into a pea with room to spare, but I'm not a doctor.
So far I don't have any bruising from the shots, but I can already see bruises forming where I had my blood drawn this morning. I wore all my short sleeve outfits to work last week because they're being banned for the next few weeks.
Today is the start of the stimulation medication. I went in this morning for a blood draw and ultrasound. I knew I was having blood drawn, but I totally forgot about the ultrasound which is why I looked at the nurse who told me to go empty my bladder like she had lost her mind. The ultrasound looked good (8 follicles starting on the right side and 6 on the left, which is a good start) and I'll get a call this afternoon confirming that a) I'm not pregnant and b) everything looks good to start. If we're all set I start two additional shots at night and cut back the amount of the morning shot. I currently get 20 International Units of the drugs in the morning, and I will be cutting back to 5. It doesn't seem worth it because 5 IUs could be injected into a pea with room to spare, but I'm not a doctor.
So far I don't have any bruising from the shots, but I can already see bruises forming where I had my blood drawn this morning. I wore all my short sleeve outfits to work last week because they're being banned for the next few weeks.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Diary of an IVF Cycle - Side Effects
After a rough week at work, this morning I had my first over-reaction that I'm going to blame on the meds.
Scene: Sunday morning, 9am
Alicia wakes up and goes downstairs to see what Matt is up to. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places. Matt is nowhere to be found, but his wallet, keys, and phone are still in the living room, so he's not off getting breakfast. Alicia theorizes that Matt is off on a run.
9:15
Still no sign of Matt, so Alicia eats some breakfast so she can take her pills.
9:20
Alicia checks the front yard by looking out the window, no sign of Matt mowing the lawn. Alicia starts to get concerned.
9:30
Alicia rehearses the conversation with Matt about how he needs to leave her a note telling her where he goes. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places.
9:40
Matt doesn't run this long. Alicia starts considering driving around the neighborhood making sure he didn't throw out his back while running and is lying on the sidewalk somewhere. Decides he should have left at note and doesn't open the door.
9:45
Alicia is now good and mad and muttering under her breath. She needs to get her shot, but since she doesn't know where Matt is, she decides to do it herself. She washes her hands, gets everything together, and makes quick work of the shot. Realizes afterwards that maybe she should have been laying down, or at least sitting, in case she got dizzy, but she was too mad.
10:00
After pacing up and down the stairs a couple of times, Alicia decides that she going to start weeding the backyard, but opens the front door to make sure that Matt's not lying on the sidewalk in front of the house in pain. Is considering kicking him while he's lying down. Looks out the front door and notices that the front steps are a different color and there are wet paint cones in front of the stairs. Alicia goes to the back yard to find Matt coming in after painting the front steps. His back is sore and he's covered in paint. Alicia decides not to kick him. He tries to defend himself from not writing a note telling his loving, caring wife where he is. He is wrong.
(Editorial note: Matt insists he was only only in the front yard and thus was not required to leave a note.) He is very proud that Alicia handled the shot herself. She makes him make his own breakfast.
Fade to US Open coverage...
Scene: Sunday morning, 9am
Alicia wakes up and goes downstairs to see what Matt is up to. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places. Matt is nowhere to be found, but his wallet, keys, and phone are still in the living room, so he's not off getting breakfast. Alicia theorizes that Matt is off on a run.
9:15
Still no sign of Matt, so Alicia eats some breakfast so she can take her pills.
9:20
Alicia checks the front yard by looking out the window, no sign of Matt mowing the lawn. Alicia starts to get concerned.
9:30
Alicia rehearses the conversation with Matt about how he needs to leave her a note telling her where he goes. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places.
9:40
Matt doesn't run this long. Alicia starts considering driving around the neighborhood making sure he didn't throw out his back while running and is lying on the sidewalk somewhere. Decides he should have left at note and doesn't open the door.
9:45
Alicia is now good and mad and muttering under her breath. She needs to get her shot, but since she doesn't know where Matt is, she decides to do it herself. She washes her hands, gets everything together, and makes quick work of the shot. Realizes afterwards that maybe she should have been laying down, or at least sitting, in case she got dizzy, but she was too mad.
10:00
After pacing up and down the stairs a couple of times, Alicia decides that she going to start weeding the backyard, but opens the front door to make sure that Matt's not lying on the sidewalk in front of the house in pain. Is considering kicking him while he's lying down. Looks out the front door and notices that the front steps are a different color and there are wet paint cones in front of the stairs. Alicia goes to the back yard to find Matt coming in after painting the front steps. His back is sore and he's covered in paint. Alicia decides not to kick him. He tries to defend himself from not writing a note telling his loving, caring wife where he is. He is wrong.
(Editorial note: Matt insists he was only only in the front yard and thus was not required to leave a note.) He is very proud that Alicia handled the shot herself. She makes him make his own breakfast.
Fade to US Open coverage...
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