I Hate Swiss Chard

Not Dead, Just Sick

2010-01-28T15:06:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy couple of weeks around here. I had my family shower which was a big success. I think we now own everything pink or red that Baby Gap and Carters has ever made. We also have a great library going, even including some chapter books for when she gets older.

Since the shower I was working long hours and then went to Miami for work. I got home from Miami and within 24 hours was in bed. I've been in bed or on the couch ever since, except for a trip to the doctor to get some drugs. The only thing I've managed to do since then is accept delivery of the crib and dresser and set up the baby blog. I decided to start a different blog for the baby because I thought that would make the most sense. I will still post here occasionally, but all baby related info will now be found at www.mattandaliciafamily.blogspot.com. I had wanted babywithattitude.blogspot.com, but was told that might not be the best idea.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-11T09:19:00.002-05:00

And happy third trimester! Actually I started the third trimester right before Christmas, but close enough. Things are going along very well. I've started at the doctor's every two weeks, we've started child birth classes, and the baby has officially kicked Teddy in the head while curling up on my stomach. Teddy didn't seem fazed by it.

Teddy tangent - we bought a baby doll and started carrying it around the house and having it lay on our bed and the couch so Teddy can get used to it. The first time we brought out the baby she just wanted to sniff it. Then we put the baby on the couch and Teddy wasn't allowed to lay on the baby. Teddy got a little ticked off, started pouting and then went upstairs. We went up later and Teddy had gone to the bathroom on the couch to show us how unhappy she was. Lovely. Since then she's been good with the baby and is beginning to understand that the baby is not a headrest.

It's getting really busy and I've started to realize that we don't have that much more time till the baby comes. Matt's traveling a bunch this month, I have a trip to Miami, and we have family coming into town this weekend for a family baby shower. I'm excited to see all the family because the last time I saw most of them I was just beginning to show. Now I look like I swallowed a watermelon.

Upcoming Cooking Plans

2009-12-21T14:37:00.002-05:00

With all the snow this weekend I've been able to finalize our holiday menus. Christmas Eve is going to be our standard - Clam Chowder and Fajitas. For Christmas I've decided to make Ham in Coca Cola. I've wanted to make it for awhile and this seems like the perfect opportunity. I'm also seriously considering making this Hot Chocolate Layer Cake with Homemade Marshmallows. Because when else you have that much sugar in one meal??

Snow Storm 2009

2009-12-19T17:20:00.002-05:00

We've got a serious snow storm going on right now. You can't see the basement window and the snow is up to the second step.

Teddy is not sure about snow up to her shoulders.

Measuring 18 inches at 3:30pm with another 8 hours of snow forecast.

Teddy enjoyed the snow when we took her to the nearby football field early this morning and let her run around. Now that it's still coming down I don't think she's a fan.

The local news is classic right now. The weather guy has been on since 6 am and is still really excited about the storm. The anchor seems drunk and Matt's betting they pull her soon because she's a little out of control.

Update

2009-12-18T14:50:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is going to be the biggest snow storm in years. I plan on not leaving the house, but if I have to maybe I should get one of these and wear Teddy around my belly to keep it warm. Stupid coat not making it one more week!

Signs of things to come

2009-12-17T16:44:00.002-05:00

As of this morning I can no longer fit into my non-maternity coats. Thankfully my mother bought me a pretty coat while I was in CA, but I have my fingers crossed that it will get me through the East Coast winter. Next week starts the beginning of the third trimester (which is an additional freakout) so I figure by the end of January I will not longer be able to wear any of the regular clothes I had been making work as maternity clothes.

I've also started wearing long earrings every day. I figure I'll have to put them all away for about 5 years in a few months so I might get some use out of them before I put them away.

Classy Is My Middle Name

2009-12-09T08:46:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I had my glucose screening test. For those who haven't had to do it, you drink a nasty sugary drink and an hour later the doctor draws your blood to see if you have gestational diabetes. The drink made me a little nauseous, but nothing too bad. I had been allowed to eat breakfast (with a limited amount of sugar) to help counteract the drink. With about five minutes to go till the blood draw the doctor walked in and we started talking about how everything was going. With two minutes till the blood draw I started to feel very lightheaded and started sweating. The doctor had me lie down so she could listen to the heartbeat and measure my stomach. Lying down I started to get even more lightheaded and came the closest to passing out that I've been in a long time. Of course that's when the nurse came in to draw my blood. So, I'm lying there trying to keep conscious, my dress is pulled up so the doctor can have access to my stomach, and the nurse has my arm to take blood. It was quite a scene and maybe one of my classier moments. After some water, hard candy, and about 15 minutes I was feeling better and allowed to go clean myself up and leave. I looked like an extra from a horror movie. My makeup was running all over my face because I'd sweated so much and my hair was sticking up in 8 different directions. It was lovely. The baby did very well and waited until I was fully recovered before beginning her morning tap dance on my bladder. She's considerate like that.

I figure that I either passed with flying colors or failed spectacularly. With that kind of reaction I don't think there's a middle ground.

Update - I just got the blood test results back and I passed! Yeah!! Because I think the three hour test might have been more than I could handle.

Favorites

2009-12-01T09:47:00.002-05:00

Our baby girl has started to develop certain habits that I am not fond of. She likes her space and is not afraid to kick me to make me move so I am in a better position for her. It doesn't seem to matter that I have to sit like that to work on my computer at work. No, our little princess would like her space NOW. If I don't sit back she will start kicking my bladder so I have to get up and walk around. She also thinks peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the greatest thing ever and gets very active every time I eat one.

Everything else is going well. We are making progress on cleaning out the room that will be the nursery. After the fifth bag of books that we're getting rid of, we've decided that we really should use library cards more often.

Over the past week I've started to see a change in Teddy. I think she knows what's coming, but there's no way to know. She's started to curl up next to me and put her head on my stomach with her ear leaning against it like she's trying to listen. I wonder if she can hear the baby moving. She does seem to be enjoying the stories we read to the baby.

Nesting Instinct

2009-11-23T10:00:00.002-05:00

I knew it was coming, but I was really unprepared for it. The past two weeks the nesting instinct has fully kicked in. I think that might be a misnomer. I think "Nesting Psychosis" is a more appropriate term. There have been trips to Ikea, The Container Store, and Target. There's been much sorting and getting rid of unneeded items. I will also confirm that the words "We can't bring a baby into the house with such a large pile of ironing still needing to be done" passed my lips. Thankfully Matt still finds it amusing. Which is good because today he needs to dust, vacuum, fold the laundry, rake the leaves, mow and reseed the lawn, and get rid of the bags of stuff that I purged this weekend. Tomorrow there's another list for him. Enjoy your vacation honey!

We're halfway there

2009-11-11T11:33:00.002-05:00

Monday I hit the halfway mark and yesterday we went in for an ultrasound. Our baby girl is looking good. All parts are accounted for and in the right place. We even got a couple of waves during the ultrasound.

I've been feeling her move pretty regularly. I think it feels kind of like when your heart beat is racing and you can feel your blood pumping, but not quite as rhythmic. Then Friday night during dinner I got my first big kick. I looked down and stared at my stomach for a couple of seconds because I couldn't figure out what had happened. Then I couldn't stop smiling because I was so excited.

Matt and I have also started reading to the baby. We generally read children's books, but Matt is reading selected Sports Guy columns to her. I vetoed Roberts Rules of Order. If anyone has suggestions for good books I'd love to hear them. Here's what the baby library currently has.
-Corduroy
-Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel
-Madeline
-Eloise (my goal in life for many years was to be her)
-A couple of Dr. Seuss books
-Baby's first Stanford text-board book (a gift from my dad - because it's never to early to start the pressure to be the 5th generation to go)
-Hippos Go Berserk (bought solely for the title)
-The Runaway Bunny

Latest Baby Purchase

2009-11-07T18:33:00.003-05:00

Because brainwashing can't begin early enough.

Because The First Lady Is All Sorts of Awesome

2009-11-04T17:50:00.003-05:00

During an interview when someone asked her how to catch a great guy like she did. This is part of her answer.
"Look at how the guy treats his mother, what he says about women, how he acts with children he doesn't know. And more importantly how does he treat you? When you're dating a man, you should always feel good...you should never feel less than...you should never doubt yourself, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you completely happy or make you feel whole. And if you're in (such a) relationship, don't get married, and find that person who brings you complete and utter joy."
God I love that woman. I hope some day to be that smart.

Not the swine flu

2009-11-03T12:02:00.002-05:00

After getting fully vaccinated last week, yesterday I came down with something. After conferring with the doctor this morning it looks like it's just a cold. There's no fever, so they don't think it's the flu (either kind) but if I do come down with a fever they will be getting me a prescription. For the next few days it's rest and lots of fluids for me. I have been around people who had been exposed to swine flu, but the time between when I saw them and when I started to feel nasty wasn't enough time for me to get sick. The doctor said that I might be having a reaction to the shot, but not to worry. So everyone, don't worry. Mom and Gloria I'm looking at you specifically.

The Madness of Infertility

2009-10-26T11:32:00.002-04:00

I think this is an amazing essay that so accurately describes what it's like to be infertile. The author explains how she's jealous of a panda bear who manged to get pregnant while she and her husband still struggle. It's the best example I've seen of how you can be jealous of ANY pregnant being, even one trapped in a zoo. I also like that the author is in her 20's. So much is written about infertile women in their 30's and 40's that the younger ones tend to get forgotten. One of the final straws with the first doctor we saw was when he told me "You're still young and have plenty of time" during a visit. I later realized that it was the third January in a row we'd had an appointment with him. Just because I have time doesn't mean that I haven't already spent too much time dealing with stupid heads. (For the record the time between first appointment and positive pregnancy test with the new doctor? 4 months.)

And the answer is...

2009-10-20T15:29:00.003-04:00

It's a girl. We also got the test results back from the ultrasound and blood work a couple of weeks ago and everything looks good. I also had my cervix checked and everything looked great. My mother spent at least 2 months on bed rest with each of her children due to an incompetent cervix (three months hospitalized with her hips above her heart and unable to get out of bed with the last one) so I was very paranoid about my cervix. I might have high fived Matt about because I'm not like my mother. But it was done with love and appreciation for the time she spent in bed with me and my brothers.

We are super excited and can't wait to meet our little girl. Based on what we've seen in the ultrasounds so far she's definitely energetic and has problems sitting still. The technician today had trouble getting a recording of her heartbeat for more than 3 seconds before she moved again. Only time will tell if she's really the OCD/ADD combo that we're expecting.

Last Chance to Guess - Hopefully

2009-10-19T10:16:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow we go in for another ultrasound, and hopefully are able to find out the sex of the baby. I do know someone who had a baby that never cooperated and they had to wait till the baby was born. I'm praying that baby doesn't have a twisted sense of humor, but I'm not holding my breath.

Last week I spent a couple of days with my family in the Bay Area and then a couple of days working in San Francisco. It was good to see everyone, even if the weather was worse than El Nino. I also managed to get out of my dad's house with none of the reserved baby clothes from the basement. If I wanted to I could dress the baby from birth to 12 with nothing but the clothes in the basement, so this was an epic feat. Roughly the equivalent of climbing Everest.

For the most part I'm feeling better. I'm still exhausted and going to bed early, but everything else seems to have calmed down.

Not so much with the talking

2009-09-28T14:19:00.002-04:00

I was aware of baby brain as a concept, but I thought it was something along the lines of being forgetful. Apparently I am suffering from a version which makes it impossible to use the right words. It's not gibberish, just clearly not the right word. Recent examples include...
"Putting all your birds in one basket"
"I need to clean the dog poop off my car" (I meant bird poop)
"Have we ordered the signage for the blow"
"Furbulous" (ok, maybe that one ventures towards gibberish)
I've also developed a habit of being completely unable to type my own name. Awesome.

I think part of it is baby brain and part is just being overwhelmed. Last week my company decided to reorganize. Not unexpected, just really poor timing. This meant my boss was laid off, effectively immediately, and I am taking over his responsibilities. I don't get to hand any of mine off to anyone else, I just add his. I'm trying not to panic, but I've never missed tequila as much as I have in the past week.

Our little elf

2009-09-15T14:19:00.002-04:00

The top one is WAY zoomed in so you can see the profile. My mom thinks it looks like Matt, but I think that's just because it has hair. And it totally looks like a little elf.

Babies On The Brain

2009-09-11T16:23:00.002-04:00

Today our interim president at work became the proud daddy to a new baby girl named Emma. He hand his partner used a surrogate and she lives in San Diego, so he's out there for the birth. San Diego's an excellent city to be born in, if I do say so myself. Contrary to popular belief it does not make you an instant surfer.

I am doing well as I'm about to enter my last week of the first trimester. Most of the nausea has passed, but this week I did learn the hard way that I shouldn't take the trash out anymore. Teddy was kind enough to get out of the way before I threw up on her.

This weekend I'm planning my first trip to the baby store to start figuring out what we need. Any recommendations that people have for baby gear I would appreciate. Matt's keeping a spreadsheet of all recommendations (along with a spreadsheet of baby-related spreadsheets) because he's way more organized than I am. Next week I have my next appointment and ultrasound so we get to see how big the baby's gotten. Last time it looked like a gummy bear, so we'll see what it looks like now.

A Little Concerned

2009-08-28T14:22:00.002-04:00

After spending some time in traffic over the past week, I'm becoming concerned that the baby's first phrase is going to be "Why are you such a douche bag?"

Random aside - I once used the phrase "douche bag" while driving with my youngest sister, who was about 12 at the time. She asked what it meant, so I told her. And then, because I am my mother's daughter, I ended it with this comment. "Some people think that douching after having sex will prevent pregnancy, but that's not true." She asked to change the subject.

We had the first appointment with the OB this week. I've been seeing him for about 5 years, and he performed some surgery on me last year and then the D&C after the miscarriage, and he kept telling us how happy he was for us. Stuff like that are the reason I keep going back to him. We were talking about epidurals and he asked if I was going to want one. I asked if I could have two. He said "Good. I don't understand people who want natural childbirth. It's like having a natural root canal." Also why I love him.

I am a slacker

2009-08-25T09:02:00.002-04:00

I haven't been writing, not because anything is wrong, but because I seem to have lost the ability to put thoughts into words. Not only can I not bring the funny, I can barely bring the English.

Everything is going just fine with the pregnancy. We've seen the heartbeat a couple of times, and we have our first appointment with my regular OB this afternoon. I am now nine weeks along, and my due date is March 29th. We have told just about everyone, except my office. I have a meeting tomorrow to tell the President, and then everyone will know. I am telling work a little early, but my due date is two weeks after I'm supposed to be in Las Vegas for our big show, and we need the time to plan on how we're going to do it with one less person. There's also rumors going around my office that I'm interviewing for a new job, so I'd like to put those to rest before they get out of hand. Also, someone asked me this morning if my doctor's appointment is because I'm pregnant. Maybe I'm showing more than I thought.

For the most part I'm feeling ok during the day, but the evenings I start to go downhill and feel pretty bad. I do have some good nights, like last night when I insisted on burgers and fries for dinner followed by going out for ice cream, but most nights the smell of food does a number on my stomach.

First Ultrasound

2009-08-04T12:41:00.002-04:00

Today we had our first ultrasound of the pregnancy and everything looks good. We were able to see the heartbeat and we have a due date of March 29. Based on my blood tests we thought there might be twins, but when we saw only one I think we both were a little relieved. With the level of exhaustion and nausea I'm currently having with one, I don't think you'd ever get me out of bed if it was two.

I go in for another ultrasound and then I move from the fertility specialist to my regular OB/GYN. For right now I'm having ultrasounds every 10 days between the two doctors. Once that level goes down I think I'm going to be a little wound up between appointments. I do not know how people did it before they could look every few weeks and check up on the baby's progress.

Update

2009-07-29T08:28:00.003-04:00

So far, so good. My beta numbers have been going up very nicely and everything looks good. Right on schedule I've gotten exhausted, bad cramps, and nausea. It's like I'm pregnant or something! Oh, and my sense of smell is in overdrive. Teddy has gone to doggy play group twice in the last week, and I can smell her from five feet away. Which is really bad because she wants to spend all her time with her head in my lap. That is when she's not throwing up in the basement. That was awesome. I tried to help Matt clean it up, and he wouldn't let me. He said that he'll clean up the dog puke because I'll have to clean up all the baby puke. I don't remember making that deal, and I refuse to honor it. Babies throw up way more than Teddy does.

Yesterday I also had the interesting experience of reading that I was pregnant on Facebook. I haven't gone that public with it yet, so it was funny to see my brother in law put it up. Thankfully the only friend I have in common with him is Matt, so none of the people I haven't told yet are going to find out via Facebook.

The Results Are In...

2009-07-25T08:46:00.004-04:00

And they are positive! I am officially pregnant. I will go in on Monday and Wednesday for blood tests and then we'll schedule an ultrasound. Patients who've been through IVF, IUI, and the like, are monitored about every two days to make sure the pregnancy is progressing well. I'll let everyone know how things keeps going, but now I need a nap.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - One Day More

2009-07-23T10:43:00.002-04:00

And now for the longest 24 hours of my life. I'm trying very hard to keep myself busy and my mind off the test, but I'm failing pretty spectacularly. I took Matt to the airport this morning and we did manage to talk about some other things during the drive. I'll pick him up on Sunday night and I'm pretty sure whatever the outcome it will be all we talk about on the ride home.

That might be a bit of a lie. Matt's instructions for this weekend are to have a good time, try not to stress out about this, don't get alcohol poisoning, and don't get poison ivy while peeing in the woods. We will be talking about if he followed the rules.

I've managed to schedule about 80% of my work day for the next two days with meetings where I have to be paying attention, so I'm hopefully that will keep my mind occupied. My office got an interim President/CEO who started yesterday and we're having all sorts of "get the new guy up to speed" meetings. All staff members also have to have a 2 hour meeting with the President explaining what we do, what our background is, and what our goals are. My meeting is scheduled for 1-3 tomorrow afternoon. My goal for the meeting is not to look like a complete hormonal nut case that has something more important on her mind. Also not to start crying.

It's hard to tell if Teddy is being more protective than usual or if she's just needy. She goes through periods where she definitely prefers Matt or me, and right now it's all about me. She has seemed a little more pouty than normal, but I'm going to blame that on the fact that she feels like we don't treat her as well as Matt's mom did. And we don't. She is a princess and has no qualms about telling us when we are not paying her enough attention and demanding more petting.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Reading Tea Leaves

2009-07-21T13:41:00.003-04:00

The wait till the blood test on Friday is making my hyper-conscious of anything happening to my body. Cramps - is that a good thing and a sign of a growing uterus or my body trying to get me to stop taking the hormones? Breast tenderness and swelling - sign of pregnancy or PMS? Related - are you serious that I did not fill out the top of that bridesmaid dress? Well, there's a first time for everything. Nausea - food poisoning, morning/afternoon sickness, or the worst case of nerves ever? Pain in my toe - Teddy get off my foot. And my least favorite and cause for some panic, spotting. It was very little blood and stopped within 24 hours, but still added to the stress. If spotting doesn't freak you out you're either male or lying, or maybe both.

I've been told that all of these are normal and don't indicate anything one way or the other.

Two Things

2009-07-19T20:50:00.003-04:00

1) If I have a tomato and mozzarella sandwich for lunch and then bruschetta with tomato and mozzarella for dinner that's totally not eating the same thing for lunch and dinner.

2) The hormones are to blame for the following:
-Crying at the Harry Potter movie
-Finding deep wisdom in pop songs - especially Whitney Houston and Bette Midler
-Very detailed dreams that have involved me staring in movies
-Going to bed at 8:30

Five days till the test. Not that I'm counting the seconds or anything.

Summer On Sourdough

2009-07-15T19:00:00.004-04:00

There's nothing like to me a tomato, mozzarella, and basil sandwich. I could eat it every day in the summer. Tonight I made it and thought I would walk you through the steps to make any that you make even better.

First, slice the bread (I really like sourdough, but any white bread would do depending on your preference) and drizzle the side you want the inside of the sandwich to be with olive oil. Sprinkle with a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Broil for a few minutes until light brown. Flip over, drizzle with olive oil only. Broil again. Try not to get distracted and burn and have to repeat.
While bread is toasting, slice tomatoes and sprinkle with salt. This will draw out some of the water and give them a stronger tomato flavor. Slice fresh mozzarella and salt as well (same reason.) Cut fresh basil with chiffonade and set aside.

Place first slice of bread with seasoned side up. Layer tomato, mozzarella, and then basil. If desired, add a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
Enjoy! I just had my second on of the week. I used tomatoes and basil from the garden and mozzarella from the crazy cheese guy at the farmer's market. Now I just need another tomato to ripen to do it again.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - The Waiting Game

2009-07-15T12:49:00.002-04:00

Today is the halfway mark till the pregnancy test. The nurse who discharged me after the transfer had written that my follow up blood work should be on the 21st, but that didn't make sense based on other things I'd read, so I double checked with my nurse and I have to wait till the 24th. I'm trying to figure out if I should have the nurse call me with the results on my cell phone and just leave the message there so I can check it after work. That would save any tears at work, which would probably come no matter what the outcome. But it also involves a level of discipline that I'm not sure I have. I'm not allowed to use a home test (the shots can give a false positive) and I had one around the house that I asked Matt's mom to hide while she was here last week. I realized that I couldn't be trusted with it once I made up a massive rationalization about how I would only trust the test if it was negative, and it would only be to help me slowly deal with the idea that it didn't work instead of it all coming at once. I couldn't even bring myself to try that one on Matt.

In the end I think I'm going to have to leave my phone at home that day. I don't know how to check my messages away from my phone, so that might be the only way. We're going to have a new interim boss at work who will be on his third day in the office next Friday, so I'm thinking tears and obsessive checking of personal phone messages will be looked down on. Also, I'm sure it will be written all over my face and I know my boss will ask, and while I really like my boss, I don't want him to be the first person I talk to about it.

Now that I'm looking at the rationalization, it really makes sense to me. Anyone else?? Dammit, how am I going to make it another 9 days? Where's Michael J. Fox and his time machine when I need it?

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Brain Dead

2009-07-13T16:11:00.002-04:00

I know I've been complaining about being tired, but it's really nothing compared to the level of brain dead-ness I am currently experiencing. After two rounds of anesthesia and a gazillion IUs of hormones, I am completely exhausted and brain dead. I've found myself staring off into space and you can practically hear the crickets in my head. If I have any thought at all it's generally "try not to drool on yourself."

But, oh the hormones. I'm doing pretty well dealing with everything that's happened in the past week. (One of the bonuses of being so out of it is that you can't have a proper freak out while so spaced out.) And then today came. I picked up Matt at the airport this morning and then curled up with him on the couch for a few minutes before going to work. I put my head on his shoulder and all of the sudden I was sobbing. Why? No idea. He wasn't hungover, he didn't smell like stripper, and he hadn't lost all our money, what more could I ask for after a couple of days in Vegas? I have also managed tears over a photo from Sotomayor's confirmation hearings, a glitch in the database at work, and being out of gum. Tonight I'm going to go home and curl up in bed and try not to cry when Teddy sheds on me. Hopefully tomorrow I will be back to just trying not to drool on myself.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Transfer Day

2009-07-09T16:49:00.004-04:00

This morning I had the transfer. We ended up having two embryos available at transfer, so we put in both. Only one (the one that fertillized naturally) was highly rated. The second one had reached 4 cell stage, but is about 24 hours behind the natural one.

I'm now at home on bed rest for the next day. A few weeks till the blood test when we find out if it worked.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Numbers Game

2009-07-08T21:52:00.003-04:00

So, I had my egg retrieval on Monday. They pulled out 8 eggs (and pulled is the best word considering the amount of pain killers I've taken since then) and Matt gave them his contribution. I really appreciate how no one (other than my mother) has asked about Matt's part in this process. For some reason his part is a little gross and unnecessary to talk about. Any hoo, 24 hours post retrieval I got a call from the doctor. The message was this (and I'm quoting exactly) "Hi Alicia, it's Dr. X. It's not a medical emergency, but I'd really like to talk to you as soon as possible." At which point I'm lucky my lunch didn't end up on my desk. After 20 of the longest minutes of my life, I got to speak with the doctor. It turns out of the 8 eggs they retrieved, 7 were mature, but only 1 fertilized. Both our parts looked perfect under the microscope, but for some reason they do not play well together. The doctor said there was no reason he could see for that to happen, but they have a plan should we have to do this again about how to try and make sure this doesn't happen next time. The doctor decided to do ICSI (stands for injecting sperm directly into the egg, but in Latin) on 5 of the eggs to try and get us more options for transfer. As of this afternoon, the one embryo we had that fertilized naturally had split into 4 cells (which is exactly where they want it to be at this point) but only 1 of the ICSI eggs had fertilized. The eggs need to reach a certain point before they'll transfer them back, so we won't know until tomorrow if we are transferring one, two, or none (both of our options could die before transfer). They've scheduled the transfer for tomorrow (Thursday) and I'll let everyone know what we end up doing tomorrow afternoon. My dreams of "Matt and Alicia, plus Eight" have been dashed. (Dude, I could totally do her hair a a Halloween costume.) And now I've just jinxed us with identical quadruplets from the one good embryo...

I do feel slightly better that there's clearly something wrong that they didn't see before (ICSI should have like an 80% fertilization rate) but at the same time it's a bit of a pisser. Of course I really shouldn't be that surprised because Matt and I are both seriously independent and I feel like our reproductive parts think they can do this all by themselves and don't need anyone else's help, thank you very much. We are very lucky that we don't actually have to do this by ourselves and have had great support from family and friends. I'd specifically like to thank Matt's mom, who not only gives shots, but is driving me home from the transfer tomorrow and taking care of me while I'm on bed rest for a few days. I'd also like to thank the friends who have emailed or called us during this process just to check in and see how we're doing. I think we're doing better than expected, but I've just had my last drink for at least the next two weeks, so check back next week when I'm losing my mind and can't have a glass of wine.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Egg Retrieval

2009-07-06T19:04:00.004-04:00

After a trigger shot on Saturday night, I had my egg retrieval this morning. Everything went very well and they got 8 eggs. I was really hoping for at least ten (and had been told by the ultrasound tech that she was thinking we'd get 11-12) so I'm a little bummed. But then again, it only takes one. We will get updates for the next two days for how many fertilized and then how many make it through each day. Not all will fertilize, and some usually die each day, so it's a numbers game at this point. The doctors/support staff will grade each embryo each day, and by the time we get to transfer, they will implant the best ones. I'll let everyone know how it's going each day and what they're thinking. The transfer back happens on Day 3, 5, or 6 post transfer (I have no idea why Day 4 is bad) and today is considered Day 0. That means we're looking at Thursday, Saturday, or Sunday for the transfer.

This is the part where some of the really hard decisions come into play. How many do we put back (assuming we have more than one) and if it works what do you do with the frozen ones? We will definitely freeze any extras to save for another cycle, even if this one works. Apparently once they're frozen eggs don't age so in five years if I want to use them they'll still be considered 30 year old eggs instead of 35 year old eggs. The weird trivia that I now know. I think it's taking up the place where calculus used to be. For the record, we're planning on putting back two because I'm not going through all this to put back one. If we only put in one (and had the option of more) and it didn't work I would be really pissed off.

Today also marks the start of the countdown to the pregnancy test. It will be 18 days from today. Generally I would not tell anyone what it says, but let's be serious. If it goes well, I'll want people to hold my hand as I hold my breath for the first couple of weeks. If it goes poorly, you all need to know to send wine and tequila. Even before we started this cycle I had said that I would want to tell people early because I will be even more of a lunatic for the first few weeks. We know the heartache of miscarriage, and if it were to happen again I'd need all the support I can get. Some people might think of that as pessimistic, I tend to think of it as "hoping for the best but preparing for the worst."

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Trigger Tonight

2009-07-04T17:06:00.003-04:00

Happy 4th of July! Celebrate the founding of your country with a shot in the ass.

This morning I went in for blood work and an ultrasound and the results came back tonight with a trigger shot this evening with a retrieval on Monday. That means I'm down to my last three shots! Sweet! The tech doing the ultrasound said it looks like there are 11-12 follicles, which is good, and that they are almost ready to go. I am immensely grateful to Matt for coming with me this morning and letting me hold his hand, because the only worse than early morning ultrasounds, are early morning ultrasounds that poke you in your swollen parts. While I can't see the ovaries from the outside, I can definitely feel them when I poke my stomach. Also, my right ovary is the "powerhouse" ovary, the left one is a sissy. We're very technical over here.

Better Than Bread Salad?

2009-07-02T12:53:00.002-04:00

I know people aren't going to believe me, and this might be controversial, but I really think this might be better than bread salad. I think it has more applications, and is seasonless. Or good year round if you want me to use words that are actually in the dictionary.

What is it? Cobbler muffins. More specifically, muffins made of cobbler topping. I know, why isn't this something that they sell? One of the best parts, you probably already have everything in your kitchen. Flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and butter. Go look, I'll wait. ... Do you have it all? No, margarine doesn't count. You need real butter for this.

You can use the muffins with ice cream, with fruit, or just eat them straight. Or you and your husband could eat an entire batch of 6 muffins in one night because they were so good. I'm just saying it's an option.

Cobbler Muffins
Makes 6

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 stick cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 425°F.

Stir together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Blend in butter with your fingertips or a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal. Stir in water until just combined.

Spoon topping into well greased muffin tin, dividing between six muffin pans. Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean and the tops are golden.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Almost There

2009-07-02T09:09:00.003-04:00

After this morning's ultrasound it looks like we're almost there. I have 6 follicles on the right and 4 on the left, all measuring between 14 and 16 mm (the goal is to get them to 18.) I go back in tomorrow and hopefully they'll be the right size by then and we'll be doing the retrieval over the weekend.

Much to Teddy's delight Matt's mom arrived last night. (For the record it took less than five minutes before Teddy got her first treat.) She's been kind enough to come down to administer shots and take care of me after the retrieval and transfer. She's also open to the idea of moving in with us if this whole thing results in triplets or more. I have a rule that the number of people in the house who can change a diaper cannot be outnumbered by the number of people who need their diaper changed. This will also apply to adult diapers. I'm just putting that out there now so everyone knows.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Delay?

2009-06-30T13:14:00.007-04:00

This morning was another blood draw and ultrasound (Can I tell you how much I love being on the Beltway first thing in the morning? God I freaking HATE driving. Maybe the meds are messing with more than I thought...) I had 5 follicles on each side, with the largest at 11mm. The doctor told me not to worry that they're not growing quickly. He said that's very common and wouldn't change our chances of the cycle working. Can I tell you that nothing puts me in a panic mode quicker than a doctor telling me not to worry about something. Don't worry about it, we'll be able to reattach your finger. Don't worry about that, it won't leave a scar when we stitch you up. ALL LIES! Ok, maybe I don't know about the finger, but you get my point. I go back on Thursday for ultrasound and blood work (like you didn't see that one coming) and they'll see where the follicles are at and what the plan is for the retrieval. I was originally scheduled for the retrieval on July 4th and now it's looking like it will get pushed back a day or two.

I just reread that paragraph and I sound way more ticked off than I really am. More than anything I'm just exhausted and tired of the shots. Work is kicking me in the arse HARD right now and I'd love to go to the gym and work off some steam, but I can barely keep my eyes open at the end of the day right now, so playing with gym equipment is probably a bad idea. I also have this horrid vision of all my puncture wounds starting to leak blood once I got my heart rate up and looking like an extra from a horror movie. I've also felt like I'm going to cry for the last four days, and no tears will come. I NEED SATISFACTION! I really think men don't understand how that can release a level of stress. I think it's the equivalent of screaming at the television during sports. It's not going to solve anything, but it makes you feel better. See how bad you feel after watching the World Series, Super Bowl, or World Cup without being able to yell. Pretty freaking miserable I'd bet.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Bruiser

2009-06-29T10:11:00.004-04:00

I look like I've broken out in some sort of bizarre rash all over abdomen that leaves small red dots (puncture wounds) and bruises. I've never been as happy to not have six pack abs as I've been in the past week. The fat is good for making the shots less painful. Matt's also gotten good at working around the bruises to find the little bit of skin that is still free of marks so it will be less painful.

On Friday I got the call from the nurse (they call after every ultrasound and blood draw to let me know what's going on) and based on the blood work they increased one of my evening medications. I went in again on Sunday for another ultrasound and more blood work. At that appointment they counted the follicles that are almost large enough to be measured (instead of just what looks like it's developing), so I had 8 on each side. There's was one that they could measure at 10mm, but all the others were still too small to measure. The nurse said to not worry if the numbers were a little lower than the time before because they're starting to count differently. Does that stop me from worrying - of course not. The call on Sunday night increased the dose of the second medication I take at night, and they stopped the morning shot all together. Yeah!! One less shot a day!

The increase of the medication actually does not make me worry. I was considered to be at risk for hyper-stimulating (producing way too many eggs) and if that happens it can cause a cycle to be canceled. Different clinics define "too many" differently. The clinic we're at right now generally doesn't want to see more than 25 follicles/eggs (they're considered follicles until they're removed from the ovary and then they count them as eggs) but I know someone who had 45 eggs in one cycle and that clinic did not cancel her cycle. She also had ovaries the size of softballs and could see them protruding from her stomach, eww. When we went in for our injection class, I had lower doses of all the medications than the other two women and now I'm in line with what they had.

I continue to be really foggy in my brain. Last night I even started passing out at a friend's house at 6:30, which is a new record for going to bed early. Matt had to poke me repeatedly in the car on the way home so I wouldn't fall asleep in the car. Epic levels of exhaustion.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Updated Follicle Count

2009-06-26T08:28:00.003-04:00

This morning I had another ultrasound and I've got 10 follicles on the right side and 9 on the left. The doctor said that's good and I go back in on Sunday to start getting them measured. They want the to grow to about 18mm each so the eggs can reach maturity. Once they do I get the trigger shot (aka the shot we're making Matt's mom come down and give me because it's complicated, goes really deep and I've already been warned hurts like a mo fo) and 36 hours later they do the retrieval.

For the most part I'm handling the drugs better than I anticipated. Other than exhaustion (please don't take it personally if I fall asleep and start drooling on you) and a serious case of oatmeal brain, it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting. I am starting to see bruising more where the shots are given, but Matt is doing a very good job of working around those for the next day's shots.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - And Now My Pants Don't Fit

2009-06-25T14:51:00.003-04:00

I had been warned that bloating and weight gain were going to be a problem, I just didn't realize it would come on so quickly. The pants I wore to work fit perfectly, even a little loose this morning. Now they are straining at the seams and over my bruises and puncture marks. I have now given up on pants and skirts without elastic waistbands. If tomorrow is free dress day at work do you think I can get away with a nightgown?

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Vicious Circus

2009-06-24T13:25:00.004-04:00

Last night we had to call in reinforcements, specifically Matt's mom. The dosing instructions were very confusing and the dose was given in IUs, but the syringe was in CCs. She talked us thru it and was extremely helpful while we figured out what the hell we were doing. Everyone should have at least one nurse in the family and we are very lucky to have three mom/nurses to call in with questions.

I'm beginning to feel more and more side effects, but not in the way I was anticipating. I expected to be on edge and angry and have a temper. What has happened is I'm exhausted, but can't sleep because of night sweats, and having really bad cramps, made worse by caffeine, which make me achy and want to be curled up in bed. I was explaining it to Matt last night and said it was a vicious circus when I meant to say vicious cycle. I think vicious circus works just as well. Can you tell that I'm also currently working with oatmeal instead of a brain?

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Lupron Evaluation

2009-06-23T08:42:00.003-04:00

There are certain things in this world that you should not have to deal with before coffee. Surprise trans-vaginal ultrasounds are on that list. I would have at least shaved my legs this morning if I knew that was coming.

Today is the start of the stimulation medication. I went in this morning for a blood draw and ultrasound. I knew I was having blood drawn, but I totally forgot about the ultrasound which is why I looked at the nurse who told me to go empty my bladder like she had lost her mind. The ultrasound looked good (8 follicles starting on the right side and 6 on the left, which is a good start) and I'll get a call this afternoon confirming that a) I'm not pregnant and b) everything looks good to start. If we're all set I start two additional shots at night and cut back the amount of the morning shot. I currently get 20 International Units of the drugs in the morning, and I will be cutting back to 5. It doesn't seem worth it because 5 IUs could be injected into a pea with room to spare, but I'm not a doctor.

So far I don't have any bruising from the shots, but I can already see bruises forming where I had my blood drawn this morning. I wore all my short sleeve outfits to work last week because they're being banned for the next few weeks.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Side Effects

2009-06-21T16:06:00.004-04:00

After a rough week at work, this morning I had my first over-reaction that I'm going to blame on the meds.

Scene: Sunday morning, 9am
Alicia wakes up and goes downstairs to see what Matt is up to. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places. Matt is nowhere to be found, but his wallet, keys, and phone are still in the living room, so he's not off getting breakfast. Alicia theorizes that Matt is off on a run.

9:15
Still no sign of Matt, so Alicia eats some breakfast so she can take her pills.

9:20
Alicia checks the front yard by looking out the window, no sign of Matt mowing the lawn. Alicia starts to get concerned.

9:30
Alicia rehearses the conversation with Matt about how he needs to leave her a note telling her where he goes. Teddy tries to stick her nose in inappropriate places.

9:40
Matt doesn't run this long. Alicia starts considering driving around the neighborhood making sure he didn't throw out his back while running and is lying on the sidewalk somewhere. Decides he should have left at note and doesn't open the door.

9:45
Alicia is now good and mad and muttering under her breath. She needs to get her shot, but since she doesn't know where Matt is, she decides to do it herself. She washes her hands, gets everything together, and makes quick work of the shot. Realizes afterwards that maybe she should have been laying down, or at least sitting, in case she got dizzy, but she was too mad.

10:00
After pacing up and down the stairs a couple of times, Alicia decides that she going to start weeding the backyard, but opens the front door to make sure that Matt's not lying on the sidewalk in front of the house in pain. Is considering kicking him while he's lying down. Looks out the front door and notices that the front steps are a different color and there are wet paint cones in front of the stairs. Alicia goes to the back yard to find Matt coming in after painting the front steps. His back is sore and he's covered in paint. Alicia decides not to kick him. He tries to defend himself from not writing a note telling his loving, caring wife where he is. He is wrong.
(Editorial note: Matt insists he was only only in the front yard and thus was not required to leave a note.) He is very proud that Alicia handled the shot herself. She makes him make his own breakfast.

Fade to US Open coverage...

Diary of an IVF Cycle - Medications

2009-06-17T13:55:00.002-04:00

We are now three days into injections, and I have to compliment Matt on his technique. I have no bruising, even with the aspirin, and the pain is almost gone. Today also marks the last day of the birth control pills, so I'm hoping my energy level returns to normal because one of the side effects of being so wound up has been some insomnia. I like sleeping, so it would be nice if that went away.

Today I also received the rest of my medications. After an obcsene amount of time it took on the phone with three different pharmacies, a trip to Fairfax on Saturday, and getting box the size of a small dog delivered to my office I finally have them.

And now for the costs
Medication #1 = latte
Medication #2 = new book
Medication #3 = bottle of wine
Medication #4 = drinks at ladies night
Medication #5 = nice dinner out
Medication #6 = car payment
Medication #7 = mortgage payment
Of course it all pales in comparison to the cost of the treatment itself, but it's all part of the Matt and Alicia stimulus package of 2009.

Millions of peaches, peaches for me

2009-06-17T09:45:00.004-04:00

While I do love the farmers market, my biggest problem with eating locally is that sometimes I want something that isn't there. Right now I am tired of asparagus and strawberries. I want PEACHES! Times like these call for the grocery store. And then when I don't eat them fast enough, peach cobbler.

Peach Cobbler
Serves 4
Ingredients
6 large peaches, cut into thin wedges
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon cornstarch

For biscuit topping
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 stick cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/4 cup boiling water

Preparation

Cook peaches:
Preheat oven to 425°F.

Toss peaches with sugar, lemon juice, and cornstarch in a 2-qt. nonreactive baking dish and bake in middle of oven 10 minutes.

Make topping while peaches bake:
Stir together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Blend in butter with your fingertips or a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal. Stir in water until just combined.

Remove peaches from oven and drop spoonfuls of topping over them. Bake in middle of oven until topping is golden, about 25 minutes. (Topping will spread as it bakes.)

I followed this recipe exactly. As I poured the water in I realized that part of the recipe didn't make much sense. The point of using cold butter is so that it releases steam in the biscuit, but if you pour hot water over cold butter it will melt. Next time I'll use cold water, but it didn't seem to have any ill effects. The topping was fantastic, the filling a beautiful pink color (because I left the skins on the peaches), and it was a perfect summer dessert. I may have some for breakfast.

Diary of an IVF Cycle - First Injection

2009-06-15T14:25:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I'm definitely not doing that to myself. Even with an ice pack on my stomach for a few minutes before it still stung like a mo fo. The nurse who taught our injection class told me that it would feel like a mosquito bite. I didn't believe her at the time, I am a mosquito magnet and they usually don't sting, but now I think she was confusing mosquitoes and Mothra.

Today was also the first day for taking Children's aspirin, apparently it helps with implantation by thinning the blood, but it also makes you bruise easier. Which is exactly what I would like when I will be repeatedly stabbed over the next three weeks. When I worked in the kitchen I used to joke that I should carry a card in my wallet that said "My husband doesn't beat me, I work in a kitchen." Now I think it should be changed to "My husband stabs me with needles every day, but it's under doctor's orders."

Diary of an IVF Cycle

2009-06-14T21:46:00.003-04:00

Matt and I have made a decision to take the next steps to try and start a family. I have been on birth control pills for about three weeks already, and the best thing I can say about that is I've been very productive. Someone compared the way I was acting to a meth addict, or Jesse Spano on a very special episode of Saved By The Bell. Tomorrow is the first day of injectable medications. I expect to be this by the end of the week.

For the record, I will not be giving myself the shots. I almost threw up holding the needles in the injection class. Matt is going to be giving them to me. I'm making him promise not to enjoy stabbing me too much. And to use an ice pack first.

The whole process will take approximately four more weeks. I'll be writing about what's going. I'm doing this for a couple of reasons, but mainly so if I start screeching at people they don't take it personally. Imagine your worst PMS, times a thousand, with a porcupine jumping on your stomach. That's basically what I'm expecting the next couple of weeks to be like, so please excuse me if I scream at people who cut me off in traffic. Maybe giving my the shots will be Matt's revenge for having to live with me during this. It will be interesting, and hopefully worth it all.

Garden Under Water

2009-06-12T20:49:00.004-04:00

We've had roughly 85,000 inches of rain in the past few weeks and it's messing with my garden.

Check out the herbs. The basil is looking a little sickly, the mint is gooey from mid-stalk down, the oregano and thyme will need to be replaced, but the garlic chives are going strong.
At least they're doing better than the cilantro, which melted away. Maybe that's what the Wicked Witch was made of...
The tomatoes are growing like gangbusters, even if there are only a couple of tomatoes growing.

Some of the cucumbers are starting to come in.
This was also supposed to be cucumbers. Clearly not, but the yellow squash is growing nicely.
The lettuce is also growing up nicely, even when Teddy tries to eat it. She has decided to stop laying on it, which is good. We've already had a couple of salads from it, and it's pretty good. I've even taught Matt to harvest it and use the salad spinner to clean it.

Dinner OK, Success, and Fail

2009-06-11T13:58:00.007-04:00

In an attempt to branch out and try different markets in the area, Jen and I went to the 14th and U St farmers market last weekend. Getting there was a bit of adventure considering half the Mall was shut down and covered in pink. Stupid breast cancer messing with me before I've had coffee. That's just MEAN.

After picking up some coffee we went and took a look at each of the vendors before buying anything. The first purchase for both of us was strawberries. Why do we keep picking up the delicate things first? My goal for the summer is to remember to not be an idiot at least once. Maybe coffee before instead of at the market would be helpful. My second purchase was flowers. See, clearly I need more coffee. They did smell nice and kept most of the week. Hello peonies!
I picked up a jar of Roasted Shallot and Barolo sauce, along with some pasta from the same vendor. I had read good things about him from a couple of local bloggers, and was excited to try it out. I also picked up some hamburger buns from another vendor because I had read that they were excellent. I got both the regular buns and the Parmesan ones.

Saturday night we had friends over for dinner and I made the first bread salad of the season. Hi Bread Salad. I missed you. We used the hamburger buns for burgers from the butcher. I liked mine better. Maybe that will be this weekend's project...
I also made strawberry shortcake. There were a couple left over so we had them again the next night. I did hold off on eating it for breakfast.
We made the BBQ chicken sandwiches with the Parmesan rolls. Dude, caramelized shallots mixed with Jack Daniels BBQ sauce, chicken, and cheddar on the Parm rolls is awesome.
Wednesday night we tried the Barolo sauce and the pasta. Wow. It was bad. Really bad. Neither Matt nor I could eat it. We ended up eating crackers and cheese for dinner.

Dr. George Tiller

2009-06-01T09:59:00.002-04:00

As a student I read much about abortion clinics, the violence providers faced, and legal theories of both sides of the debate. I heard the rhetoric of both sides, both logical and irrational. I try very hard to understand the pro-life movement and try and show them the respect that they deserve. I will never understand how someone who is pro-life kills another person in cold blood. By all means, debate, protest, file suit, rant on the internet, but how dare you take someones life in the name of faith.

For me, my faith is the reason I am pro-choice. Because I have struggled with faith and what I believe I refuse to force someone else to live by my beliefs. What if I'm wrong? I know enough to know that I don't have all the answers and I have a deep skepticism of those who claim they do.

I do know that late-term abortion is something that many pro-choice people are uncomfortable with. If you've never read it, this essay is heart wrenching and will make you cry. It's a horrible choice to make, but for those who are faced with that decision it's one that they should be allowed to make for themselves.

Martha vs. Nigella Bake Off

2009-05-31T19:28:00.003-04:00

There's few things in life better than a good loaf of bread. I've tried most of the bakeries in the area, and all the vendors at the farmers market, but still haven't found one that both Matt and I love. I decided to try out two different versions and see if I can come up with one that we both love. I pitted Martha Stewart's Breakfast Bread against Nigella Lawson's The Essential White Loaf.

First up, Martha. I've made this bread before and I like it. It's much more substantial than most white bread, but it's reliable option.

Breakfast Bread
adapted from The Martha Stewart Cookbook
Makes 1 loaf
1 c. milk ( I used 1% because it's what I had in the house, but I've even used non-fat with good results)
1/2 stick unsalted butter
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp sugar
1 package active dry yeast
1/3 c warm water (you want it to feel warm on your wrist but not hot. Like the bathwater for a baby)
3-4 c all purpose flour
1 egg, lightly beaten

In a small pot scald the milk then add the butter, sugar, and salt and remove from the heat. Let cool to lukewarm.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook, dissolve the yeast in the warm water and then add the milk mixture. Mix 1 1/2 c of flour into the milk mixture until well combined. Add the egg and continue to mix. With the mixer on low slowly add more flour until the mixture comes together and doesn't stick to the side of the bowl. (Yesterday that took an additional 2 c of flour, but I've had it work for less than 1 1/2 c before.) Knead until smooth, approximately 7 minutes. Take the dough out of the bowl and knead by hand for an additional 2 minutes. (I do this because I like to feel that it really is smooth and I can tell if it's too wet or dry. You can knead it all by hand, but I really don't have the upper body strength for that.) Let the dough rise in an oiled bowl covered with a clean dishtowel until doubled in size.

Once the dough has doubled in size, punch it down and form into a loaf. It should look like a sandwich roll with the seam on the bottom. Place in a 9x5x3 pan, cover, and let rise again till it almost reaches the top of the pan.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for 40 to 50 until brown and makes a hollow sound when you tap it. (It's usually best to test that on the bottom but be careful and try not to burn yourself while doing so.) Remove from pan and allow to cool on a rack. Slice and enjoy.

Here we have the whole loaf and then it sliced and ready for eating.
Verdict - good with a slight yeasty flavor. Including both rises, took almost three hours.

Next up, Nigella.

The Essential White Bread
adapted from Nigella Lawson's How to Be A Domestic Goddess
Makes 1 loaf

3 1/2 c all purpose flour (Her recipe calls for bread flour, but I only had all purpose)
1 package active dry yeast
1 Tbsp salt
1 1/3 c warm tap water (Nigella also recommends using water from boiling potatoes but I didn't have any handy. Seriously, who has that frozen in their freezer?)
1 Tbsp softened butter

Place flour, yeast, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook. Add 1/3 c of water and stir, add more water until the mix comes together but is still slightly sticky and messy looking, then add the butter. Knead for at least 7 minutes until the dough is smooth. Again, remove and knead by hand for an additional 2 minutes. Allow to rise in an oiled bowl covered with a dishtowel until doubled in size. Punch the dough down, and form into a loaf and allow to rise a second time for about 45 minutes. (This can be baked either free form or in a pan. I used a pan to compare it to the Martha loaf.) Bake in a 425 oven for about 35 till it sounds hollow when tapped. Allow to cool and dig in.
The Nigella loaf just out of the oven and cut into. Notice Matt in the background helping himself to another piece of the Martha loaf.
Verdict - very good, but a little salty. I've never made bread without putting the yeast in water first. It took much longer for this to rise, almost 4 1/2 hours, but still came out with a good loaf with a very nice crust.

Final decision - The Nigella loaf won!! Even with a slight excess of salt it was still both mine and Matt's favorite.

Tonight we made sandwiches with the toasted bread, steak, arugula from the garden, caramelized onions and garlic, and garlic chive cheddar. Add a salad with lettuce from the garden and sauteed corn and you have a nice early summer dinner.

Photos from Yesterday

2009-05-26T18:20:00.003-04:00

It's really only photos of the ravioli, because apparently I forgot that I had the camera the second part of the afternoon.

Here's the filling after sauteing. You can actually see the steam coming off it. It smelled awesome. I'm not usually the biggest mushroom fan, but I wanted to keep eating this.
Here's the assembly line of raviolis. It's about 1 TB of filling on each wrapper.
Frozen and ready for dinner one night. I put instructions on the bag in case I ask Matt to handle dinner if I'm running late.

Cooking All Afternoon

2009-05-25T17:31:00.002-04:00

Today I pushed myself to get a couple of dishes done and into the freezer for the next couple of weeks. After weeks of takeout I don't want delivery until September, but I still need something for the nights when cooking is just not going to happen.

First up, Spinach Mushroom Ravioli. I stuck to the recipe almost exactly, only adding a clove of garlic to the filling. The recipe says you get 12 ravioli, but I got more like 18. Maybe Giada is padding her bra with the extra filling or something, but there's no way to only get 12. The raviolis were then frozen and bagged for easy use later.

Second up, Spanakopita, not exactly this recipe but close. The ones I made are big enough to be an entree, not the appetizer size you usually see. If you've never used phyllo dough, make sure to cover the sheets you're not using with a damp cloth, otherwise it will dry out. And that makes it a complete bitch to work with. After fighting with the phyllo, solving the drying with MORE BUTTER!, and rolling them up the turnovers were ready to be wrapped and frozen as well.

Last success of the day was Pizza Pouches. I made my own pizza dough, mainly because I like to have some whole wheat flour in the crust, and then added pepperoni instead of meatballs. I need to work on the execution of these a little, as the pouches have quite a bit of extra dough. Being a carb addict, this isn't a problem for me, but I think the spinning teacher would want me to back off a little.

I did have one total failure. I tried to make my own chicken stock and it did not go well. It just tasted salty and bland and smelled like dirty socks. Even Teddy didn't want any piece of it, and she'll beg for anything.

Starting To Get Back To Normal

2009-05-24T19:12:00.002-04:00

As we've started to get used to the new kitchen things have started to get back to normal. I've even gotten some flowers from the rose bushes in the back yard.
Right now is the height of strawberry season and Jen and I stood in line at the Arlington Farmers Market to get strawberries from Westmoreland Berry Farms. They are the most delicious strawberries I have even had. Now I understand why there was such a long line. (Originally I thought the line was for a bathroom because what else would you stand in line for behind a truck?)

I also bought feta and mozzarella from Blue Ridge Dairy, asparagus from Westmoreland, and these beautiful chives with purple flowers.
I've already told Matt that tomorrow will be a day of cooking, so I'll post pictures and recipes tomorrow night. I've finally found the cord for the nice camera, so hopefully the pictures will get better.

First Meals in the New Kitchen

2009-05-13T08:31:00.003-04:00

Drum roll please...
French Toast. Not exactly new, but I did have to improvise because I hadn't unpacked the spices yet and the big pan I usually use for it was still buried somewhere in the basement. Always a crowd pleaser, this worked out well even without the added cinnamon and Matt running to the store because we had no maple syrup.

I went a little more all out for dinner on Sunday night, just to test the new kitchen. We had been to the Farmers Market, then the butcher and the cheese shop, on Saturday to pick up some items to restock the house and I might have gone a little over board. I blame the new kitchen on why I bought five kinds of cheese in less than an hour. The new kitchen NEEDED that cheese.

And yes, I am aware that walking to the local Farmers Market, two specialty foods shops, and then carrying my purchases home in my monogrammed LL Bean tote makes me the biggest yuppie of all time.

For dinner, I made an appetizer with a baguette, green garlic pesto that I picked up, burrata cheese, and halved cherry tomatoes. It was a nice combo and an unexpected twist on the familiar tomato, basil, and mozzarella combo that I usually live off of.

I've been craving meat on the grill, so we had a flank steak marinated in 4 cloves of garlic, sherry vinegar, a little dijon mustard, some dried oregano and basil, salt, pepper, and olive oil. I placed the whole thing in a plastic bag in the fridge for about 4 hours to let it get nice and juicy. Matt is in charge of things on the grill, so he grilled it for 4 minutes on one side and 3 on the other over medium high heat. It was exactly what I was looking for. With a side of sauteed snap peas and red peppers, and a garden salad it was a perfect first meal. I should also say that the extra flank steak made an awesome sandwich with some garlic chive cheddar that I also picked up on Saturday morning.

Where Does Your Food Come From?

2009-05-11T11:18:00.002-04:00

I've been doing a lot of reading recently about what goes into our food and how it's made, so this tool is really interesting to me. I could play with it for hours, but it's really just going to get me to go to the farmer's market more. At least then I know where the food is coming from.

Hello Gorgeous!

2009-05-08T20:35:00.003-04:00

We are almost done!! The only things left at this point are hooking up the water and putting in a few switch covers.
Teddy's still checking everything out and figuring out where the best place to lay and get in the way is.
We moved everything to the new fridge last night and the guys moved the old fridge to the basement. Our fridge contents currently are 3 Diet Cokes, 4 beers, 3 salad dressings, milk, and condiments.
The cabinets look a slightly different in the pictures than in real life. I'm using the older camera because while I know where the nice camera is, I don't know where the cord to hook it to the computer is.
Do you know where it is???
This looks worse than it is. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that because I would like to believe we'll be able to deal with it all this weekend.

On A Break

2009-05-05T13:41:00.005-04:00

The kitchen is currently on a mini break while we wait for the counter top to arrive. Since that means I can't spend money on new accessories for the kitchen yet, I had to find a way to do my part of keeping the economy going. So I went searching for some shoes online.

First, I do understand that my tastes tend toward the conservative. The last time I was in San Francisco my dad (who owns more Br00ks Brothers than Matt) offered to take me shopping to help give my wardrobe a little California flair. Second, DC is a conservative city for office attire and I've heard stories of no slingbacks, always wear pantyhose, and even always white pantyhose. But I think even the most laid back offices would not find these shoes appropriate.

This one is actually the first show listed under "Career." Not the most hideous thing ever, but certainly not office appropriate.

Maybe for a date, but please not in the office.
Nothing about this shoe, expect that it has soles, seems office appropriate to me.

Am I really that conservative? Tragically unhip? Or maybe I just have a thing against snakeskin.

Public Service Announcement

2009-05-01T18:19:00.002-04:00

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. While it's not quite as easy to celebrate as say, Arbor Day, I will point you in the direction of things NOT to do. As a personal addition, I would ask the following things:

Don't ask someone if they've thought about adoption. They are aware of adoption as an option. Adoption is a great and wonderful thing (yeah baby Ryan!!) but it is not for everyone and should not be taken into lightly. If you wouldn't tell a pregnant woman that she shouldn't have had her baby and should have adopted instead, don't say it to someone who is trying to conceive through technology.
Don't ever tell someone that infertility is God or Nature's way of telling them they shouldn't have a baby. If I have pollen allergies, does that mean I shouldn't breathe? No, it means I talk to a doctor and try to solve the problem.
Remember that if a woman is currently undergoing treatment she's definitely being pumped full of drugs and likely will be moody as hell. Please don't take it personally. She also might be packing needles, so be careful.
Remember that it's not just the woman who's dealing with it. While most stories cover the female perspective, it's just as hard for men.

Thank you for listening. Now imagine "The More You Know" music slowly fading out...

Cabinets Are In!

2009-04-29T19:08:00.004-04:00

All the cabinets are in! Tomorrow the countertop is being measured. By next week the appliances will be in and the floors and walls will be done.
You can actually see the window in the dining room!!
Until next week the appliances are still in the living room. Teddy is very offended by them. She did try and lick the hose from the dishwasher and was unpleased with result.

Progress!

2009-04-28T20:05:00.002-04:00

About half the cabinets have now been installed. Here's the dining room wall. Please notice how lovely the lights look as the glow under 5 inches of dust.
The fridge will go where the ladder currently is. It looks really big, but will actually be smaller than what we had before.
This is where the bar will be.
The far wall still needs a little bit of work and the peninsula still hasn't started.
The floor has been put in, but it still needs to be sanded and stained. They will do that after all the cabinets and appliances are in.

Complication

2009-04-26T08:09:00.003-04:00

Yesterday the floor guys came and laid down all the hard wood so there are no more nails sticking straight up. They didn't do anything to the electric work, but for some reason we have no power in half the the house. The electrician comes this morning to try and figure out how to get power so we don't have to shower in the dark. At least the air conditioning and the hot water heater still works.

End of Week Two

2009-04-25T17:28:00.002-04:00

End of week two and the cabinets come on Monday. Hopefully that means this wall will have the stove on it the next time you see it.
But we do have all the lights in and all the electrical run. The guys came today and laid out the floor in the kitchen. It's starting to look like we might have a kitchen again some day.
But there's a crap load of dust. This is Matt's black baseball glove in the basement.
Seriously. Lots of dust.

Lettuce is the New Eggs

2009-04-25T17:04:00.004-04:00

I apologize if I ramble a little bit, but today I bought 36 heads of lettuce, 3 arugula plants, 4 tomato plants, 2 cucumber plants, 2 basil, 2 parsley, 2 cilantro, 2 mint, 1 oregano, 1 thyme, and 3 garlic chive plants. And then decided to plant them all in one day. If I have a hunchback the next time you see me this is why. I also took Matt to the airport, went to Home Depot AND Ikea, and solved the Middle East conflict. It's only 5pm. It's amazing what you can do when you get up early and don't take a nap. Stupid being 30 and responsible.

This is the 85 feet of lettuce that I planted around the roses already in the yard. I have limited places to put pots right now because the construction guys keep needing to use the deck, so for right now the parsley and cilantro are living in pots in the garden.
Two tomato plants where the compost pile used to be. Did I mention that I removed the compost pile? I did that too. Vegetables that haven't composted are slimy and roses never loose their thorns. I generally put the cage the other way (upside down) but these are in prime area to get knocked over by construction guys, so I'm giving them some protection.
Close up of the lettuce. It's six different varieties that do well in extreme heat are slow to bolt. It took less than two hours until Teddy laid down on an entire row.
My herb garden. Because I buy so much basil and that stupid hyrdo basil plant never works for me. It's in pots because I am officially out of space in my garden. If I want to plant anything else I need to pull up the grass.

Garlic chives. These might have been my favorite thing we got in the CSA last year.
I'm going to go take about 5 aspirin and go to sleep.

Week Two

2009-04-21T18:03:00.002-04:00

This is what the contractor was opening up when I heard "What is this?" Oh no. Thankfully it wasn't a big deal, but it did give me a minor heart attack.

Right now it's electrical work so there's not a lot of visible changes on a day to day basis. But today they had to dig into some walls to run the lines and that created a lot of dust.

Lines running across the kitchen wall.

This is the inside of the kitchen wall. Because I've always wanted to know what was there.

The chaos is not making me crazy. Teddy is driving crazy however, so it's balanced. If any one has ideas about how to deal with schizo puppy I would appreciate it.

Heartbreaking

2009-04-20T16:44:00.004-04:00

Friends of ours recently lost their three and a half month old baby boy Lukas. He is profoundly loved and missed. His family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I Swear That I Did Not Find This Site In Anger

2009-04-20T14:54:00.003-04:00

From http://mattbites.com

I have been debating what the first thing I make in the new kitchen will be. I think this entry for Carne Asada Fries is currently taking first place.

Any other requests for the first meal?

End of Week One

2009-04-18T12:47:00.002-04:00

Floor level destruction.

You can see 60 years of paint. Our dining room apparently has been pink multiple times.

You can see the basement thru the kitchen floor!

Teddy is not liking the crate while people are home. She's REALLY likes to whine when we're home and she's in the crate.

Day One

2009-04-15T19:53:00.003-04:00

OH. MY. GAWD.

This used to be the peninsula and the dining room. Note the yellow piece of paper taped to the wall. I appreciate that they employ the same tactics we did.

Plastic to try and limit the dust to the rest of the house.

What used to be the kitchen.

It's actually not nearly as bad as I imagined. Of course I've now jinxed us and it will turn wacko tomorrow. The kitchen/dining room actually looks smaller than it did before we pulled everything out.
This pile of wires is exactly why Teddy is currently at the dog walker's.

In case you're curious, this is what our living room currently looks like. A fridge and piles of chaos.

Before

2009-04-12T12:46:00.003-04:00

This week construction starts on the new kitchen and dining room. Here are the before shots.
The peninsula. The upper cabinets will be replaced and the sink will be moved here. After construction there will be no more missing drawer. That stupid, freaking drawer that kept breaking and was what started this project.
The fridge will be replaced, and cabinets placed on both sides of the fridge. The cabinets will go all the way to the opening to the living room.
This is how we've been marking out progress.
The stove will be moving to be centered on the far wall.
Built in cabinets will be on the left wall. We're getting rid of the drapes and going with something that doesn't look like it was made from Grandma's couch.

I'm excited but nervous. The next couple of weeks will be stressful and full of dust. I'll let you know if I loose my mind.

Genes

2009-04-07T14:02:00.003-04:00

Most of the time I blame my craziness on my mother. She's a one of a kind wackadoodle with a very colorful vocabulary for a minister's wife. I get my pale skin, blonde hair, and the need to make my own sounds effects for everything from her. From my father I get my blue eyes, tennis playing, and a talent for eye rolling. The smart@ss comes from both sides. But every once in a while my dad does something that reminds me he's got his own level of craziness.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and I sent him an email telling him I hope he's having a great time whatever he's doing. This is what I got back.
"Thanks, sweetheart. I'm in Kenya on the shores of Lake Naivasha in the Great Rift Valley. It's almost 6PM on the 7th, and I'm about to go down to look at the flamingos and hippos. Maybe I should take my malaria prophylaxis (otherwise known as G&T*) first!"
Let me get this straight. You're going to have a few drinks and then go play with wild animals? That seems like a great idea...

Book smarts and common sense are two very different things.

*G&T is gin and tonic for those of you who don't speak WASP.

10 days till Demolition

2009-04-03T10:36:00.002-04:00

Matt and I are starting to pack all of our kitchen and dining room into boxes before the construction starts. We've made a good dent in the dining room, but that required us to sort of the second bedroom first. See, the books from the dining room are going in the second bedroom, but we needed to clean off the entertainment unit and disassemble it before we could fit the bookcases and books into the room. I've never seen Matt so happy to get rid of a piece of furniture as he was to get that entertainment unit out of our house. He's hated it for almost 10 years, but we've moved it at least three times.

We've started on the kitchen packing, but then ran out of newspaper and boxes. We've also started to thin out what we keep in the pantry and the fridge, so I think that's going to lead to weird eating habits in about a week. Thankfully we've figured out that we'll be able to move the fridge into the basement, so we'll never be without a fridge during the remodel. I did realize that we will be sans microwave for about three weeks. I think fridge trumps microwave, but we'll see how often we end up wishing for a microwave.

In preparation for demolition, we've also started to get Teddy used to a crate. For the most part she's enjoying the crate, but we haven't had her in it for very long yet. She doesn't whine at all in it, if she can see us. If she can't see us, then the whining starts. She's so spoiled and I blame Matt. He blames me, so it works out well.

Las Vegas!!

2009-03-30T11:02:00.003-04:00

This was my Vegas experience.
Everyone: Alicia! Alicia! Alicia!!!! Help! Alicia! Alicia can fix it! Alicia!!!
Me: Shut up monkeys.

Things I've learned in the last week

-8 days is too long in Las Vegas
-People really do gamble at 6am on Tuesdays
-It can be hard to tell the difference between professionals and sorority girls.
-It is possible to be in Las Vegas and not gamble.
-It's inappropriate to refer to my suit I got for my birthday as my birthday suit.
-The quietest bar in the strip is the bar at Pinot Brasserie in the Venetian. We had a staff dinner there and the food was great. Especially the croissant bread pudding.
-I don't care how tall you are, please don't consume 25 Crown Royals and start introducing yourself as my better half. I will deny it and throw you under the bus every time.
-I met Hugh Jackman as Wolverine's twin, and he was one of the nicest people I've ever met. And not just because he's Canadian. He's my new work boyfriend, but I haven't told him yet.
- I have more restraint than I thought. The manager at Canelletto asked me if I had kids yet. I told him no, and he took my face in his hands and told me that I needed to start right away because it would be the best thing I ever did. I did not knee him in the balls.
-A waiter asked me if I liked to party, and it didn't go the way I thought it would.
-The economy is causing everyone to wait for the last minute for everything, which is causing me heartburn.

I may finally have caught up on my sleep so it's back to work tomorrow.

The Inside of My Head

2009-03-16T15:34:00.004-04:00

As I sit here I have the following items bouncing around inside my head.

-I leave for Las Vegas in three days and I AM NOT READY!!!
-I am eleven days away from coming home from Las Vegas.
-Less than a month from now my kitchen will be a disaster area and I will have found a place to store everything from the coffee cups to the big bottle of tequila while they do it. I think the tequila will be stored in my tummy.
-Why is the registration company being nitwits and raising my blood pressure 1000%?
-Where is the line between smacking some sense into someone and assault?
-Where can I get horse tranquilizers? And maybe a midget...
-Quartz is sparkly.
-Do not tell me that avoiding chocolate will stop the pain I'm in, if you haven't established that I've eaten any chocolate. Because unless they're slipping mega doses of estrogen into the chocolate chips in granola bars that's not the answer.
-I used to like Australians. Now, not so much. Except for those living in Connecticut.
-I forgot to pack Liberace's wallet.
-Is Super Saver Shipping from Amazon really overnighting me a package that weighs 28 pounds?
-I cannot deal with anyone else named Bill, Richard, or Jim.
-Germans are also making my sh!t list.
-No, I do not own gold body paint.
-Deadlines are not for my amusement. They actually mean something.
-I need to know where the person in my office got the 90210 theme song ring tone.

Aren't you glad you don't live with me?

All Semblance Of Still Cooking Is Gone

2009-03-09T16:44:00.003-04:00

Maybe it's that we picked out the cabinets (cherry) or that we picked out the granite slab (a level 5 granite that we're getting for level 3 pricing even though I still don't know what that means.) Maybe it's that I've rediscovered a neighborhood gem that does take out, but unfortunately not of their margaritas, and tonight will be the third time in a month I will have a Bean Burrito Arriba for dinner. Maybe it's that we finally went to a place that's been recommended a number of times and found the most awesome list of sandwiches ever. Also puppies! Maybe it's that I've cleaned out the pantry and don't want to buy any groceries because we're a little over a month away from having to put it all in storage containers while they blow up the kitchen. Whatever it is I cannot bring my self to make anything more than a peanut butter sandwich at home anymore. I do feel slightly better that Matt clearly is in the same frame of mind as proved by the email confirmations I get of pizza orders I get every time he's home alone.

Kitchen Remodel

2009-03-06T18:39:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning Matt and I are going in to pick out kitchen cabinets. We've decided to redo our kitchen and we've picked a contractor and a designer. While it's very exciting, it's also overwhelming. Based on what we're doing it will take 5 weeks of work. Thankfully only 7-10 days of it are complete shut downs for the kitchen. I will start posting pictures as we get ready to pull apart the kitchen and replace almost everything. The only thing we're still a little unsure of is replacing the fridge. While we really like our fridge, it might make more sense to go with a counter depth fridge instead. If any one has any experience with them I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Potato Soup, Round One

2009-02-18T09:32:00.002-05:00

As work commitments begin to mount and take over my evenings and weekends, along with any hint of a social life, my cooking opportunities have slid away rapidly in the last few weeks. Last night I tried to correct that and add a few meals to the freezer that I can grab out and heat with little or no thought after a long day. Enter Potato Soup.

After what started out as a quick stop at the grocery store I was ready for soup. (If you ever shop with me don't let me choose the line - I always choose the longest one. Last night it seemed like my streak was broken. They were just about to finish ringing up the person in front of me and he dropped a jar of pickled beets and they splattered everywhere. I was in line for 30 minutes. Ugh.)
I have made potato soup a couple of times and I always feel that something was lacking, so this time I tried a little more flavor before adding the mass of potatoes. While it was a little thin, I am happy with this version. I'd better be because I'm having it for dinner today and probably tomorrow as well. And yes I used celery, but only because I had a theory that if I added enough vegetables I wouldn't have to have salad. Only I lost some of the vegetables between the checkout line and my house. Somewhere a thing of baby leeks is running free.

Potato Soup
Serves 8

4 pieces of bacon, chopped
1 carrot, finely diced
1 stalk of celery, finely diced,
1 onion, finely diced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 c of white wine
5 pounds of Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and diced
6 c of chicken stock
1 c of half and half
Water as needed

Saute bacon in large soup pot until crispy. Remove and reserve for sprinkling on top later. Saute carrot, celery, and onion for 10 minutes until soft. Add garlic and saute for an additional 3 minutes. Deglaze the pot with the wine and stir until almost evaporated. (Deglaze just means to dump the wine in, stir until all the brown bits are off the bottom of the pan, and then reduce the remaining wine till it's almost gone. It's generally done after browning pieces of meat to make a pan sauce, but I think it works here to get as much flavor as possible from the simple ingredients.) Add potatoes and stock. If potatoes are not covered add water till covered. Add at least 1 TB of salt, and boil till potatoes are fork tender. Remove from heat and blend till desired consistency is reached. (I think a sticker blender works best for this, and if you think your stick blender may not be at the full power you'd want it to be, check the top for an adjustable speed control. I didn't notice mine until after I'd blended the soup and then bitched that I wished it had more power.) Add half and half, season with salt and pepper, and serve. Top with grated cheese and bacon bits if desired. I also added a little bit of smoked sea salt (I picked it up someplace and use it sparingly because it's awesome and I want to keep it forever) to give it a little more smoke. This also freezes well for up to three months.

Note: You may think you're adding way too much salt, but you're probably not. It's a little disturbing how much salt this soup can take. I probably ended up with close to 2 TB of salt in my final soup. Also, if your soup is too thin feel free to add instant mashed potatoes. I would have added some last night, but my instant potatoes were passed their expiration date.

Most Deliciously Disturbing Site Ever

2009-02-10T14:42:00.001-05:00

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

And this is now a leading contender for the next tattoo. (via Mighty Girl)

Birthday Bonanza

2009-01-23T09:26:00.003-05:00

Late January and February are birthday central in my family. I turned 30, Matt turned 31 and both of our mothers turned...one year older. We've celebrated at some of our favorite places, Sonoma for my birthday and Del Merei for Matt's. I even had dinner with an old friend at one of my new favorite places, Bangkok Joe's. It was seriously fantastic and had great Mai Tais.

Because of the celebrations, and then work exploding for both Matt and I, we haven't been cooking at home. I finally went to the grocery store yesterday and went home and made my first pot roast. I didn't grow up with pot roast, and have only eaten it a couple times, but there are certain people who have made it (Kev) that it began to make me feel like I should at least try. I broke out my copy of Julia Child and went to work. I'll post the final recipe after I make it again with a couple of tweaks. I will say that I took it out of the oven and Matt and I both said, "You know, I don't really like the smell of pot roast." In the end it worked out well, but needs some work.

Yes We Can

2009-01-21T18:24:00.002-05:00

Matt and I got to go to the White House today for what was originally billed as a reception, but was more like an open house. We got a tour and then were lucky enough to meet the First Lady. She was gracious, not nearly as tired as I expected. She's very pretty and much more delicate looking in person. I welcomed her to Washington, DC and she thanked me for coming. Matt told her it was an honor to meet her and she tanked him for coming. As we left the White House kitchen staff gave us White House cookies (pictured above.)
When we got to the White House, we stood in line to give them our names. The Secret Service guy said he recognized my name as he checked me in. I'm going to assume that's a good thing and not something to be concerned about.
The only disappointing thing to the visit was the behavior of a number of people who attended the reception. There was a lot of yelling with excitement and general ruckus. I don't mean to sound like an old lady, but it's the freakin' White House, use your inside voice and treat it with the respect it deserves. Matt and I were complimented by one of the worst offenders who was amazed at how calm we were. It wasn't calm, it was being polite.

Apple Carmel Crisp

2009-01-18T10:52:00.011-05:00

I went over to a friend's house for dinner on Saturday night, and in exchange for being able to play with their kids, I brought dessert. I had been thinking about making Apple Crostata, but decided that I didn't want to deal with making the crust. I decided on making Apple Crisp instead. I was debating about putting dried cranberries in it, but was vetoed by Matt with an emphatic "What would you ruin good apple crisp with cranberries?!?" To make it a little more special I made caramel sauce and drizzled that over the crisp topping. I adapted an Apple Crisp recipe from my most used cookbook, Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Parties. I used a recipe from The Simple Art of Perfect Baking for the caramel. I received the baking book from the chef I used to work for. I highly recommend it for unusual dessert pairings (this summer my goal is to make her melon tart with lime curd), and great instructions for baking.

Apple Crisp
5 McIntosh apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2 inch chunks
Zest of 1/2 lemon
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/3 c granulated sugar
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice
3/4 c. flour
Scant 1/2 c granulated sugar
Scant 1/2 c light brown sugar, packed (I used Sugar in the Raw because I was out of brown sugar)
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/2 c oatmeal
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 stick cold unsalted butter, diced (Once it's cut, place in freezer while preparing the rest of the recipe)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 10 inch oval baking dish. Combine the apples with the zest, juice, sugar, and spices. Pour into the dish.

When the apples are mixed in with the spices they should look like this.
To make the topping, combine the flour, sugars, salt, oatmeal, and cold butter in the bowl of an food processor with a steel blade (can also be done in a stand mixer or by hand). Pulse until the mixture is crumbly and the butter is the size of peas. It should looks like the picture below. Scatter evenly over the apples.

Place the crisp on a sheet pan covered with a piece of parchment paper and bake for 1 hour until the top is brown and the apples are bubbly. Make sure to use the baking sheet with parchment paper to catch any spills before you have sugar all over the bottom of your oven.

Caramel Sauce
1/4 c water
3/4 c granulated sugar
1/3 c heavy cream

In a pot, at least 1-quart sized, with a heavy bottom, pour the water and the sugar. Swirl the pot to combine the ingredients. Place over low heat and stir occasionally until the sugar is melted. When the sugar has dissolved, stop stirring, and raise the heat to medium high. Dip a pastry brush into a glass of water to wash down any crystals of sugar that form on the side of the pot while the sugar solution cooks. Swirl occasionally to make sure the sugar cooks evenly. Boil under amber colored. Be patient, it can take almost 15 minutes, but once it starts to brown it gets dark quickly. Check for desired color by placing a small amount on a white paper towel.
Just beginning to bubble.

Finally seeing some color.
Two minutes later.
After adding the cream.
Stages of caramel colors on a paper towel.

Once it's the desired color, remove from heat. Pour in the heavy cream all in once (it will bubble violently but if you use a big enough pot you'll be fine) and stir till well combined. Set aside to cool. Once cool, but before it gets too hard (appx. 10 minutes) drizzle half over the crisp. Reserve the remainder for candies or serving over ice cream later.

I baked the crisp for an hour, and then drizzled the caramel sauce over it. We reheated it for about 15 minutes in a 350 degree oven and served with vanilla ice cream.

Make sure to clean everything after making the caramel as soon as the items are cool enough to handle, otherwise you might as well throw them away. Because this caramel has cream it will be a little softer, but still a pain in the arse to clean up.

My Bad East Coast

2009-01-16T10:00:00.004-05:00

I apologize to everyone on the East Coast. The current record cold might be my fault. Last week I was talking to my step father and he asked how cold it was. I told him it was about 38 degrees, so cold but not too bad. He asked if we had to wear long underwear in that kind of cold (my step father has never lived more than 20 miles from the Pacific coastline, almost all of those years in Santa Cruz or Marin county.) I laughed and said no, and in fact I don't even own long underwear. Fast forward one week and I'm considering buying long underwear to make it through the weekend. I apologize that I jinxed the weather.

To keep you warm, here is my clam chowder recipe. It's originally from a San Francisco Junior League cookbook, and adapted based on what I prefer in my chowder. Our tradition has been to have this and fajitas on Christmas Eve because Matt's family always does a huge seafood feast (originally based on the seven fishes Italian tradition, but adapted for his family to include clam cakes, lobster, stuffed quahogs, and scallops wrapped in bacon) and my father's family tradition of barbecued oysters from Tomales Bay (my job to go out and pick them up from a specific beach shack) and tamales (from them Mexican tradition). In my mom's family Christmas Eve is a work night (my step father is a minister), so the meal there is generally a different adaptation of this chowder and lasagna because both can be made in advance and reheated between services.

If you like your chowder a little thicker, you can mash up one or two of the potatoes or add some instant mashed potatoes to the pot. I like the addition of dill here, and I generally hate dill, so try it once before you skip it. Part of marrying a New Englander is always being forced to always carry oyster crackers in the house, and I'm told they should always be used with chowder. I do used canned clams for this, but mainly because I'm lazy. Feel free to use fresh. The original recipe called for green bell pepper and celery. I've omitted the bell pepper because I don't like that flavor in the chowder, and I hate celery with the passion of 1,000 suns so I never use it. My mom doesn't use the dill or pepper and adds frozen corn for her California version. This freezes well, so I often make a double batch.

Clam Chowder
6 slices bacon, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
6 potatoes, peeled and cut into ½ inch pieces
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3 cups water
½ tsp pepper
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
10 drops Tabasco
2 cups raw clams with juice
2 cups half and half
¼ c. chopped dill

In a large soup pot saute bacon until crisp. Add onions, potatoes, and garlic and saute for three minutes. Add water, pepper, Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until potatoes are tender. In a separate pot, heat clams and juices until warm. Add clams, half and half, and dill to potatoes and heat until piping hot. Do not boil.

Brunch this weekend?

2009-01-13T14:38:00.002-05:00

Or maybe what I'll make to watch Obama next week.

Bacon and Egg Cups

Mashed Potato Egg Boats

It's got veggies, that makes it diet food

2009-01-12T19:07:00.003-05:00

OH MAH GAWD! This is awesome. And while bread and cheese may not seem like diet food I'm claiming that it is.

2 thick slices of bread (I used Italian that I had leftover from the weekend)
1 onion, sliced thinly
Sugar
Balsamic vinegar
A few leaves of fresh spinach, thinly sliced (I picked a couple of leaves out of a bag that's a little past it's prime. I'm totally not above that.)
1/2 c chopped tomatoes (I used grape tomatoes, but any ripe ones would work well. I find that grape are usually pretty good in the winter.)
4 olives, chopped fine
2 oz goat cheese, put on counter to warm up while cooking (Goat cheese is generally hard to spread, but warming it a little makes it easier.)
Olive oil
Salt and pepper

Heat a saute pan over medium heat. Drizzle in a little olive oil and saute onions until slightly brown (about 10-12 minutes). Sprinkle a little bit of sugar and a touch of balsamic vinegar over onions and cook until onions are soft and brown. Remove from heat.
Toast bread until slightly brown. Spread cheese evenly over each slice of bread. Sprinkle spinach, then tomatoes, then olives, and finally caramelized onions. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Eat immediately. Make Homer Simpson moaning noises as appropriate.

I originally saw this recipe over the summer and was very intrigued. As someone I live with isn't a fan of goat cheese I put it on the back burner. He's gone tonight, so I decided to give it a shot. I had bread leftover so I wanted to do a sandwich instead of a pasta dish. Then I decided not to add the chicken because I wanted to keep it lighter.

I look at recipes for flavor combination I haven't thought of and then find a way to make it work for me. Recipes are never set in stone and the best ones are often people making the best of what they have available. Give it a shot and see what you come up with.

New Year, New Diet

2009-01-05T10:26:00.002-05:00

In an attempt to loose some of the margarita and cookie weight, we've decided to go on a diet. These mean a whole lot more veggies and less chocolate. Matt's started running again, but I'm not doing anything that drastic. Actually I start ballet next week, but that's once a week for an hour, so I don't think it counts nearly as much as running.

Last night's dinner was a perfect example of the new diet. Pasta with veggies, veggies, and more veggies. And a little bit of cheese so we'll actually eat it. These made enough for three servings.

1/2 lb pasta (We used farfalle because that's what we always have in the house)
1 c. frozen broccoli (Thawed in the microwave for 4 minutes to get it ready to use)
3/4 of an orange bell pepper cut into bite sized pieces (Clearly you can use a whole pepper of any color, but I was using up what I had)
1/4 of a red onion, diced (Again, using what I had, but I'd probably still use a red onion over yellow given a choice, but not the end of the world to use a yellow onion)
4 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch pieces
1/2 lb of asparagus, cut into inch long pieces
2 TB toasted pine nuts
2 TB olive oil, plus 1 TB for cooking
2 tsp sherry vinegar
1 tsp honey
2 TB grated Parmesan cheese
Optional: Goat cheese, mozzarella cheese, and/or chopped black olives

Prepare pasta according to directions on the box.
While pasta is cooking, heat a large saute pan with 1 TB olive oil. When oil is hot and glistening (it will move quickly in the pan, but not yet be smoking) add carrots. After 3 minutes, add the red onion. After another minute add bell pepper and asparagus. Saute until veggies are softened but not mushy, approximately another 2 minutes. Add salt and pepper after every other veggie addition to season veggies without over salting them. In a small bowl combine remainder of olive oil, sherry vinegar, and honey. If you have it 1 tsp of Dijon mustard would also be a nice addition. Whisk until well combined. Just before draining pasta take 1/2 c of cooking liquid and add to veggie mixture. Drain pasta and add to veggie mixture. Pour oil mixture over veggies and season with salt and pepper. Mix well. Remove from heat and add Parmesan cheese and pine nuts. Mix well. Taste for seasoning and adjust as needed. I added a few chopped black olives and a little goat cheese to mine, Matt added a little shredded mozzarella to his, approximately 1 TB of cheese for each to keep it light. Both worked out well.

If you have them, cherry tomatoes would be a nice addition when you add the cheese and pine nuts.

Cookie Bake '08, Day Three

2008-12-30T10:23:00.002-05:00

Overall, Cookie Bake '08 was a great success. Almost all the cookies were well received and they all got out of our house before we left on one of the best vacations in a long time. Here are all the recipes used and reactions to them.

Pecan Snowballs - First attempt at vegan baking a complete success. These taste exactly like pecan sandies and I even had someone think that I bought them instead of made them.

Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies - aka Breakfast Cookies. These were by far the biggest hit at my office. I think they would have been absolutely perfect with mini chocolate chips, but the big ones worked just fine. A co-worker took them home to his kids and they flipped out. Cookies and chocolate for breakfast?!? I am currently their favorite person. These were very moist and stayed that way for at least four days.

Cinnamon-Sugar Pinwheels - The second biggest hit in the office. These are also Matt's favorites. Super easy and quick.

Off to Bed Butter Cookies - Aside from a really lame name, and being a pain to get into a roll, these came out nicely. They took much longer in the oven than the recipe called for, but didn't dry out at all.

Hazelnut Shortbread Sticks - I really liked these, but I think the cookies should have been slightly smaller. I made them roughly the size of my pointer finger, and they probably should have been pinky sized instead. I also used semi sweet chocolate for dipping them in, and I would definitely use milk chocolate next time.

Earl Grey Madelines - I really liked these, but they weren't the biggest hit in my office. Based on some comments left in the recipe I doubled the amount of tea used for infusing the butter (which is something I would definitely do for another recipe) and it wasn't nearly as strong as I anticipated. I made this in a mini cupcake pan because I don't have a madeline pan. Make sure to use good honey and fresh lemon because you taste that quite a bit in the final cookie.

Chocolate Chip Cookies - I use the Barefoot Contessa recipe (which apparently has now been made into a mix you can buy). Classic, easy, but shouldn't be doubled in an Artisan stand mixer without a word of caution. Ideally I like to rest the cookie dough over night (it really does make a better tasting cookie and they keep their shape better) but I didn't have time this time around. Still got rave reviews on them.

Tip of the day - if you want browner cookies use a darker cookie sheet. It actually does make a difference, even if Matt thought I was full of it.

Hope everyone had a happy holiday season and Happy New Year!

Off Topic Once Again

2008-12-18T08:21:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is the funeral of my step-father's mother Isabel. She was a very sweet lady with more inner strength than I can imagine. She lived 88 of her 91 years in the same house in Santa Cruz, which is also where she passed away in her sleep two weeks ago. Isabel had a avocado tree in her back yard and made guacamole frequently for family gatherings. In her honor, here's my guacamole recipe.

Guacamole
2 ripe Haas avocados (the black ones - they're ripe when you can press on them and they give without leaving a mark)
1 plum tomato, seeded and diced
2 cloves of garlic, finely diced
2 TB finely chopped red onion
Juice of 1 lime
1 TB chopped cilantro
1 tsp salt (seems like a lot, but it really brings out the flavor)
1/4 tsp pepper

Slice avocado into 1/2 chunks and place in medium sized bowl. (If you're going to hold half an avocado in your hand and whack a knife into the pit PLEASE do yourself a favor and hold the avocado in a dishtowel. If you miss you'll be doing yourself a huge favor. Trust me.) Mash the chunks with a fork till they're a little less mashed than what you want the end product to look like. (They'll get a little more mashed as you mix in the other ingredients.) Combine remaining ingredients with avocado and mix till well combined. Taste for salt and adjust as necessary. Depending on the size of the lime, you may need a second one for additional juice. You want to taste a little of the lime, and lime flavored tortilla chips aren't going to cut it.

Out of my four parents, I now have only two living grandparents - my step-mother's father and mother are both still alive and driving themselves all over the Western US to visit family and friends. Here are their favorite food items.
Wendy's (Frostys especially)
See's Candy (Grandma likes the toffee, but I prefer Scotch Kisses)

Cookie Bake '08, Day Two

2008-12-17T13:02:00.005-05:00

Otherwise know as the day I realized I was in a little over my head. I had the following mini disasters last night/this morning. Thankfully the only thing left to do tonight is cook off one batch of cookies already set to go in the pan and waiting in the fridge. Because I don't think I could deal with anymore sugar tonight.

1) Stopped at Crate and Barrel outlet to buy Madeline pan. Wandered around for 20 minutes and could not find any bake ware. About to leave and realize that they're right in front, but on the opposite side of the store from the cookware. Because that makes sense.
2) Got home from work and decided to move a chair so my lovely assistant (aka sucker I somehow bribed with Chinese food) would have someplace to work. However that chair was apparently the only thing keeping my dining room table from leaning over and pitching it's contents on my feet. Did you know expensive French bottles of wine bounce? Which is good because I would have been seriously pissed if that had broken. It's a gift for Matt's boss. Thankfully my laptop had just returned from getting all the data off the hard drive, so it didn't matter when that bounced too. It's took about 20 minutes of moving around magazines, mail, and tools (WHY IS THERE A HAMMER ON MY DINING ROOM TABLE?!?) to get the table back on balance and clear enough to use.
3) Realized I did not have enough chocolate chips. Make Matt stop on his way home.
4) Are banana cookies supposed to smell like that? Because it's a little nasty.
5) Started making Earl Grey Madelines, manage to misread the recipe and add ingredients in incorrect order, then realize that the batter is supposed to rest for at least three hours before baking. Get lovely assistant to wrap for resting in the fridge for baking tonight.
6) Start last recipe of the night. Realize I do not have oatmeal needed. Decide to utilize now unnecessary chocolate chips Matt bought to make regular chocolate chip cookies. Decide to do double batch, because why not? Note - don't double the Barefoot Contessa chocolate chip cookie recipe in a Kitchenaid mixer. There's only barely enough room, but could have easily been giant disaster.
7) Entire night was not vigilant about not letting dog lick the floor. Teddy repaid me by vomiting on the bed, WITH ME IN IT, at 5:45 this morning. Comforter, sheets, and mattress cover all needed to be removed and thrown in the wash. Third time dog has puked on the bed in last six months, second time while I was in it. Thankfully the time she puked on my pillow was the time I wasn't in bed. She has yet to vomit while Matt is in bed.
8) Forget to grab banana chocolate chip cookie that was supposed to be my breakfast this morning. What? It's got fruit so it's a completely legit breakfast. Settle on a little leftover vegan chili at work.

Tomorrow I will post the last of the recipes and office reactions to them. Right now I need a nap and vegetables because if I even see sugar today I might gag.

Cookie Bake '08, Day One

2008-12-16T12:35:00.003-05:00

Alas, no pictures because my computer died. Last night was the first night of Cookie Bake '08. I baked two cookies off and have two more doughs in the fridge. Tonight is baking off the two doughs and making 3 more. Hopefully Cookie Bake '08 will only be two nights, but a third is a possibility.

Last night's cookies.

Hazelnut Shortbread Sticks
I've baked these off and are ready for dipping in chocolate tonight. I'm not going to dip them in crushed hazelnuts, because I like the cleaner look. Without the chocolate, they're good but could use a little more sugar. We'll see how they are once finished. An easy recipe to make, it just took a long time to shape all the dough into cookies. This was the first time, in my entire life, that I portioned the cookies so perfectly that the last cookie was just the right size with no leftover dough. I did a little dance in commemoration of my awesomeness.

Cinnamon-Sugar Pinwheels
This recipe is something that I usually just do with leftover pie dough to make Matt happy. Generally I make the cookies in the shape of rugelach, but this time I did half the batch in the pinwheel method they describe and half as rugelach. The pinwheels I put on the pan standing up. Even though most of the cookies fell over onto their sides, I would still recommend that because they seemed to cook better that way. Or maybe that's just my oven. Either way, these are excellent and supper easy, especially with pre purchased pie dough.

Off-To-Bed Butter Cookies
I tasted the dough, and it seems like these are going to be good, but I'm reserving judgement. The dough was a massive pain in my bum to get to hold together into a log for cutting tonight. I ended up using a bunch of plastic wrap to manhandle it so we'll see how it ends up (Seriously - buy yourself a $40 thing of plastic wrap at Costco. It's the best cling wrap without sticking to itself and you can use tons of it without feeling guilty. I've had mine for 5 years and it's showing no signs of being anywhere near finished.)

Pecan Snowballs
This is my first attempt at vegan baking. I liked this recipe because it only called for one ingredient I didn't already keep around. The dough is fantastic and I'm looking forward to trying these when they come out of the oven tonight.

I'll update tomorrow with the results of tonight's extravaganza.

Beating the Flu 101

2008-12-12T17:15:00.002-05:00

Grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato, a bag of chips, and ginger ale have restored my color. With a little bit of help from drugs.

Which is good because I have to make a bunch of cookies for work next week, including some vegan cookies. I'm a little tired of standard chocolate chip and sugar, so I'm thinking about going a little wild. Pistachio and Dried Cherry Mexican wedding cookies anyone? Maybe Peanut Butter Kisses? Pineapple coconut cookies are a definite, if just to tick off Matt.

Any other suggestions?

Favorites from 2008

2008-12-08T14:33:00.003-05:00

I'm trying hard not to just write all of 2008 off, so here's a list of my favorite food related items from the last year. What have your favorites been?

Cheestique's new wine and food bar - A Del Ray classic and the street cleaner sandwich is fantastic.

Let's Meat on the Avenue - an old fashioned butcher within walking distance. Bonus for selling dog bones that Teddy adores.

Grape and Bean - coffee and wine shop in Old Town Alexandria. They have the Clover coffee machine, and while I'm not sure how it works, it makes a great cup of coffee.

PX - swanky cocktail lounge that requires a secret password and flies a pirate flag.

Proof - wine bar in Chinatown. While they didn't have any wines from Argentina, they still had a great wine list and fantastic food.

Matchbox - while not new, it just opened a location on Capital Hill. Great infused vodkas and rums. Just try not to mix them.

Billy Goat Tavern - a Chicago institution and the inspiration for a John Bulushi SNL skit. One of the few times in my life I've been the only female in a restaurant.

Lusso Restaurant - a Toronto restaurant on the waterfront. Felt comfortable eating by myself and just enjoying the view.

St. Lawrence Market - old school market with vendors selling everything from produce to t-shirts.

nine one five - wine bar in Key West with bacon wrapped dates. Amazing and a nice alternative to the rest of Duval Street.

Herbs in a tube - I always have basil and ginger in my fridge without worrying about them going bad. Actually I keep the ginger in the freezer because I use that one less.

Smoked Turkey - my uncle grilled the turkey for Thanksgiving this year. I had imagined it cut up and grilled in parts, but his was done whole. And it was one of the best I've ever had.

And last, but certainly not least, Del Merei Grille. I honestly haven't had a bad meal there, and I'm there a lot. I could live off their spinach salads and mac and cheese. Oh, and the grilled donut. Because it's the best thing ever.

The one where Alicia goes bananas

2008-12-04T15:19:00.002-05:00

I read something that I shouldn’t have. I read the comments section of last Sunday’s New York Times magazine piece. And now I’m pissed.

The article was about a New York socialite, and apparent former plastic surgery addict, and her decision to use a surrogate and what that experience was like. The pictures that accompany the article change the framework of the story and should not have been published. The one that seems to be drawing the most criticism is of the author on her lawn, with her son in her arms and her baby nurse in the background. The house is plantation-looking place in the Hamptons and the baby nurse is African-American. Yeah, someone messed that one up. There’s also a picture of the surrogate mom on the porch of her house, which is a little run down. Bad combo of images. I freely admit that someone looking to get sympathy about her struggle with infertility probably shouldn’t be posing with baby nurse in the background, but I don’t have any problem with her having one. Unfortunately the pictures changed the story from one woman’s struggle over 5 years, 11(!) IVF cycles, and 4 miscarriages, to one about a wealthy woman paying someone she considers poor to have her child. That’s not what the article is about, but that’s what it came across as.

And now to the rage.

I have been dealing with infertility for 2 ½ years and I wouldn’t wish that experience on my worst enemy. It is a heart breaking experience that you live with every single day. It’s not just something that you deal with at holidays, baby showers, and being around other people’s kids. You hear it in the quiet of your house, you see it in the absence of baby pictures on your walls, and you feel it in the aching of your arms to hold your child. You are reminded of it not only when you get your period, but every time you go to the bathroom because you check to see if you’re bleeding. While I hope being infertile will not be the defining characteristic of my life, it is the defining characteristic of my life right now and will be till it comes to whatever resolution there will be. And since I have lived this particular horror, I can say with authority that no one should ever judge how someone else creates their family. You don’t know what steps someone else should take to create their version of happiness. What you would endure, or finance, to create you family is a decision that each person arrives to on their own. You’re lucky enough if your partner agrees with you. Everyone else should keep their damn mouth shut.

Would you be willing to endure weeks of shots and hormonal mood swings? Would you be willing to be poked and prodded in the most intimate areas? Are you willing to give up your sex life? Would you give up your chance at seeing your smile on your baby if it could still have daddy’s eyes? When do you think life begins? What does your God think? How many embryos are you willing to take a risk on? Could your body handle 4 babies at once? Could you live with yourself if you had to selectively abort after everything you’ve gone through to get pregnant? What if there are no reasons why but there’s still no baby? How many miscarriages can you handle? How much grief is too much? Don’t you dare judge someone else and the decisions they make. So far I have taken drugs, had surgery, and lived through the nightmare of miscarriage. I don’t know how much more I’m willing to do, and the ultimate answer might not even be one I get to make. How many years of my life will I devote to this? Is 6 too many? Is 3 too few? There are no right answers here, only making the best of a horrible situation.

The answer isn’t that God thinks I would be a bad mother and that’s why I can’t have kids. If God thought that about me I wouldn’t be the oldest of 7 kids. The answer isn’t that I should just adopt. The choices for adoption are varied, but it’s not an option for everyone. I honestly don’t know if I could adopt, but that doesn’t mean I’m against adoption. I have friends in the midst of adopting and I could not be happier for them. Happiness, like family, is not one size fits all.

What the commenters don’t see is that maybe the constant activity and outings were the only thing she could do to keep her going. When you’re so far into grief , pain, and panic, sometimes you just keep moving because the moment you stop it all becomes too much. Granted, my way of dealing with my miscarriage grief was to make pizza dough three times a week and drink copious amount of wine, but that’s no less valid than her river rafting trip, yoga classes, and bourbon. The idea that because of what she was doing she wasn’t hurting is absurd. Money doesn’t buy happiness, it just gets your nicer shoes and a better brand of scotch.

Beyond the infertility bone headedness, the comments section displayed a massive amount of hatred towards the author because she had a baby nurse. The feeling expressed was how could she go through this entire thing and then hand the baby off to someone else, therefore she clearly doesn’t really want the child. That makes my blood boil. There is more than one way to raise a child and how dare you tell someone that they don’t love theirs because they have help. Doing it on your own or with help is a decision that’s generally dictated by finances, but if a person can afford help they are not a lesser parent for it. Being a full time stay at home parent is not for everyone (Jess and Cat – you’re saints) and children are best served with happy parents however they work out the feeding schedule. In my lifetime I have been cared for by nannies, au pairs, and babysitters and I still know my parents love me. I may think that my father could use a lesson in tact and my mother has brain damage, but I have never doubted that they love me. Ever. Having help allowed my father and step mother to work in jobs they love. By going to work and being a success my step mother taught me that being smart and in charge didn’t mean that you couldn’t also be funny and sexy. Because of his work my father has shown me parts of the world I probably never would have seen on my own. Money doesn’t solve every problem, but it also doesn’t make someone less of a parent.

I will get off my soap box and go back to work now. But I quickly want to say thank you to the friends and family who have helped us get through these past 2 1/2 years. Your support means more than I'll ever be able to tell you.

Cranberry Sauce for Thanksgiving

2008-11-25T10:17:00.003-05:00

As much as both my parents love to cook, Thanksgiving was never a holiday we celebrated at home. Generally we went to a cousin's house and she did most of the cooking. Thanksgiving was memorable mainly because it was the day my Dad and step-mom tried to take the annual family photo, so matching outfits were required. My sisters and I were always in Laura Ashley floral dresses with lace collars and my brothers in navy blue Brooks Brothers blazers with khakis. Eventually we were too old for the matching outfits, so my step-mother tried to get us all to wear berets. I didn't understand it then and I still don't.

The only food related Thanksgiving memories I have are from the year my Dad decided to make the turkey from Gourmet the day after Thanksgiving so we could have leftovers. All I remember is that it involved deboning the turkey and my Dad muttering about trying to remember things from his time in surgery. There was a lot of swearing, and a pathetic looking turkey at the end. We never did it again.

A few years ago I started to host Thanksgiving for friends who weren't making the trip home. The largest group we ever had was 7, but it's been fun every time I've done it. Over the years I've made sweet potato gnocchi, stuffed mushrooms for vegetarians, pumpkin whoopie pies, and steak for a person who doesn't eat turkey (he's a communist), along with all the more traditional Thanksgiving items. However my favorite item is still cranberry sauce. I think it's the color or that it's the one thing I could eat the year I wasn't supposed to be eating dairy. It's the only thing that absolutely has to be on the table. This is my favorite cranberry sauce recipe that I've found. It is tart, but that's how I like it. You can add a 1/2 c. of sugar if you like yours a little sweeter.

1 12 oz bag of fresh cranberries
1 orange
zest of 1/2 a lemon
1 granny smith apple, peeled and diced into small pieces
1 c. sugar
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 c. water

Zest and juice orange into a medium pot. Combine remaining ingredients with juice and zest over medium heat for 15 minutes until liquid is thickened and most cranberries have split. Cool and store for up to 5 days.

If you have a non stick pot, not pan, use that. Cranberry sauce is like making jelly and you'll want to soak the pot right after you pour out the sauce otherwise you'll have a sticky, nasty mess on your hands.

Holiday Season

2008-11-20T14:09:00.002-05:00

When I was growing up my mother used to make Apricot Macadamia Nut Bread bread for everyone she knew as a holiday gift. At her peak she would make over 100 loaves of it, in batches of 3, all while listening to Handel's Messiah on a record from the 60's. I've asked her for the recipe a number of times, but she can't seem to find it anymore. Today I think I finally found it on the internet. Yes, my precious internet does know everything. This recipe calls for a bundt pan, but my mother used to make it in standard size loaf pans, but for three loaves of bread I would double this recipe. I distinctly remember 1 stick of butter per loaf of bread.

My mother stopped making the bread about 12 years ago (which coincides with me no longer being in the house to torture with the same record for 2 solid months). She claimed that it was to much work. Instead she now makes over 200 jars of apricot jam. Because that makes sense.

Apricot Macadamia Nut Fruit Cake
Ingredients:
3/4 Cup butter (1 1/2 stick)
1 Cup sugar
3 Eggs (separated)
1/2 Cup milk
2 Tablespoons apricot brandy
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla
1 3/4 Cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 Cup chopped dried, chopped, apricots
1 Cup golden raisins
1 Cup chopped, roasted, salted macadamia nuts
1/4 Teaspoon cream of tartar

Preheat oven to 275 degree. Grease and flour 6 cup Bundt pan. Cream butter and sugar in large bowl. Beat yolks to blend in small bowl and add to butter mixture. Combine milk, brandy and vanilla in another small bowl. Add to butter alternately with flour in 4 batches, mixing well after each addition. Stir in apricots, raisins and nuts. Beat whites until soft peaks form. Add cream of tartar and continuing beating until stiff but not dry. Gently fold whites into batter. Spoon into prepared pans, spreading evenly. Bake until tester inserted in center comes out clean. About 2 1/4 hours. Cool completely in pan on rack. Slice and serve, or wrap with plastic and store.

Red drinks, blue drinks, and Obama cupcakes

2008-11-11T17:34:00.002-05:00

We had a small election night party, and I had no energy to make anything other than drinks, so I ended up buying everything. Now, I love to cook, but there are days that it's just not going to happen, and somehow those days are always the ones I end up having people over. In that vein, here are my rules for buying food.

1) Don't buy anything you haven't tried before, unless they're VERY good friends. Like the kind of friends who wouldn't have any problem spitting something out and telling you it nasty. I feel like there are a number of people in my life who would do that. I'm very lucky like that.
2) Don't get more than one or two things that need to go in the oven. Room temperature food is just fine and gets you out of the kitchen and doing important things, like watching returns from Ohio.
3) Veggie or fruit trays are not necessary at any party, but it's always nice to have something a little lighter. I tend to go with fruit on a cheese tray or veggies with hummus, but don't go too overboard. It's good to have them, but they're generally the least popular thing at the party.
4) Always something salty (nuts or olives) and something sweet (mini cookies or brownies) makes it a little more rounded.
5) Making a big batch of a theme drink is very simple and makes you look more organized than you really are. (Side note - when pureeing watermelon for flavored lemonade do not use a food processor. I'm still finding pink spots in my kitchen from this summer.) For example, I made a big batch of cosmopolitans and a rum/lemonade/blue Curacao drink for election night. Party appropriate, and makes for easy serving for a long night of returns.

I would also like to commend a friend for bringing Obama themed cupcakes. They were chocolate/vanilla marbled with blue frosting. A perfect munchie for the historic night.

Revenge of the Squirrels

2008-10-30T18:11:00.004-04:00

I came home today to find this. Note the lack of pumpkin.

There were seeds on the walkway and no pumpkin in sight.
Then I looked in the lawn and found this.
Now all the pumpkins in Del Ray have been eaten.

When Squirrels Attack

2008-10-29T18:23:00.003-04:00

The squirrels in our neighborhood are on a rampage. They are taking out all of the pumpkins one at a time. Apparently they are not fans of the seeds.
I actually saw a squirrel crawl in this pumpkin, but because Teddy was with me it ran away before I could get a shot. This pumpkin was in tact and on our neighbor's porch this morning. This evening it was halfway to the street and partially eaten.
These just look so sad.
This one was the worst. The owner had even given up and put it out next to the street.

The only pumpkin in Del Ray still intact. It's on our front porch and I think it will be totally destroyed by the end of the day tomorrow.

Are you seeing things in your broccoli?

2008-10-23T16:36:00.001-04:00

http://bread-and-honey.blogspot.com/2008/10/wtf-broccoli.html

See little green people in your broccoli packages.

Comfort Food

2008-10-21T14:19:00.002-04:00

I generally think of comfort foods as the foods that I turn to at the end of the day when I just want to feel better. My personal favorites include mashed potatoes, pasta, garlic bread, guacamole, and raspberry sorbet. Oh and cheese. Almost any kind of cheese. What makes comfort food tough is when you feel the need to make it for someone else. When someone is sick, or just needs cheering up, it's much harder to know what to cook for them. For example, Matt loves fish sticks but after 8 years if living together (OMFG, there's been a boy in my house forever!) I have never made them for him or bought them for him to make while I was not around. I am currently thinking about cooking for someone else, who's tastes I don't know that well, and I feel stumped. The ability for the meal to be frozen and served later would also be nice. I was thinking soup (Black Bean or Clam Chowder are my best) or baked pasta (see Baked Penne), but I don't have any idea if those would work. Maybe chili? I'm thinking a chicken chili that's not too spicy would be perfect. Now I just need to find a recipe and get moving on it before something else falls out of the sky and throws me off my plans.

Baked Penne

2008-10-15T20:24:00.003-04:00

This started out as the filling for stuffed mushrooms, but I loved it so much that I added it to baked penne. Generally I do not like ricotta, even in lasagna, so this was a great option for a baked pasta. It also freezes really well, but the cooking time doubles for cooking from frozen.

Baked Penne
3 large hot sausages
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 lb penne
1 jar of tomato sauce
1 8oz. package of cream cheese (lowfat works), softened
2 cups (or 1 package) of shredded mozzarella cheese (again lowfat works just fine)
1/2 c. Parmesan cheese grated

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cut the sausage out of the casings and saute till no longer pink. Make sure to break the sausage into smaller crumbles. Spoon cooked sausage onto a plate lined with paper towels.
Cook pasta for half the time indicated on the box. Drain the pasta and place the pasta back in the warm pot. Pour 3/4 of the pasta sauce over the pasta and mix well. Add 3/4 of the mozzarella and stir until the cheese has just melted.
In a separate bowl, mix warm sausage, cream cheese, oregano, and Worcestershire sauce. Mix until well combined.
Looks creepy, but trust me it's awesome.

In the bottom of a greased (spray with a shot of Pam or something similar works very well) 9x13 glass pan spread 2 tablespoons of tomato sauce. Layer half of the pasta mixture in the pan. Add the sausage mixture in one layer across the entire pan. Layer in the rest of the pasta, spoon on the remaining sauce, and then top with the mozzarella and then Parmesan.

Spray the shiny side of a piece of foil with non-stick spray and cover the pasta. Bake covered for 45 minutes. Remove foil and bake for an additional 15-30 minutes till bubbly and golden.
To clean let the the dog lick the floor.